I want to live in that still. Diamonds on. Champagne in hand. Titties out.

I slip into my feminine and empower Evan to be in his masculine.

Truly. I still generally like Banana Republic stuff for the office, but GAP stuff is mostly like, “What if Old Navy clothes were more expensive and less flattering?”

None of the offspring have managed to matriculate anywhere but Penn and Georgetown. It’s almost as though the family hasn’t been able to buy off the admissions offices anywhere else.

Seriously. It’s the first fucking week of law school Tiffany, you’re supposed to be reading like you’ve never read before not fucking partying at NYFW :|

Shitty franchise themed weddings should totally become a hot new trend. Hubby and I are planning to renew our vows at the Cricket Wireless store at our local strip mall, where he first catcalled me. I fell in love with him instantly, right outside those doors... actually it might have been an H&R Block? I’m not sure.…

Ya know...I was all set to rip into these two...but it’s been yet another horrible day in this crumbling republic. So in the spirit of judgement-freedom....go forth you crazy lovebirds. Be happy and may you one day discover the joy of free weights.

Bonus: they can sell all their wedding paraphernalia to a couple of Lakers fans who also want a themed wedding.

I read somewhere that the secret ingredient in proactiv is the cost.

I think it is 100% possible that they made her do fertility testing.

Practical jokes are truly a form of sadism, and he pulls that shit in the workplace all the damn time where people have even less power to verbalize their non-consent. Like, I always thought he was an asshole for his “jokes,” but when I read that he played a “joke” on Matt Damon that involved having the wardrobe…

I think she was saying that a female star who allowed herself to go gray wouldn’t still be considered hot. My take is that she was calling out sexism, not being ageist.

Unpopular opinion: George Clooney is not all that handsome and seems like a complete dick with his love of practical jokes. And now this pear-shaped, potato-faced wang—who everyone inexplicably insists is the ultimate catch—is calling his son a “thug” and his daughter “elegant”? George Clooney sucks, people.

Thank you. Camden isn’t much better. I’m so tired of trendiness. I know someone who has the name “Zoeigh” picked out for their soon-to-be-born child. I asked the future grandmother, “Why so many extra silent letters?” She laughed and said she asked the same thing, and they replied, “Because it’s different!” Ugh.

I’m not even on FB, and Rodan and Fields haunts me. One of my favorite cousins growing up, who I only see every few years now, e-mailed out of the blue:

Jaxton. JAXTON?! No to that.

It feels weird to live in a onion article.

Daaaaang! You’re rolling with knots of $20's like that???

Co-sign, will contribute to the Kickstarter/crowdfund.

Someone needs to make a stamp of that so I don’t get writers cramp.