Except we can’t fight that argument when the GOP prevents the CDC from even studying gun violence.

Meanwhile, Florida just declared porn a public health risk...because it’s only okay for teenagers to shoot loads so long as they come out the barrel of a gun.

“These teens, not familiar with things like access and correspondents dinners. They’re not burning their bridges, they’re burning the bridge construction materials! They’ll never have a future in journalism!”

The fact that we’re applauding teenagers for asking hard questions goes to show that the adult journalists have not been asking hard questions for years.

MORE JETER ASS-EATING ARTICLES!

Yea grow up Deadspin! MORE JETER ASS-EATING ARTICLES!

Barry, you prude, you’re acting like you’ve never stuffed a platonic friend’s muff in your face then transitioned her into a hurricarana in the name of competition before.

I’m on level 4 here but hurtling toward 6

A gold medal is a gold medal, but having announcers explain what the Swaney Statute is every two years, in sport after sport, is priceless.

She french fries the entire way down. I watched three times just to be sure. Doesn’t pizza even once. This woman should be on a stamp.

Her going down the run reminded me of my 80 year old dad walking across an icy parking lot.

That was a gritty performance.

Yo, what are you talking about? She makes it all the way up to the blue line five out of six times, doesn’t fall down, SKIS BACKWARDS, and doesn’t degrade herself or her country with showboating theatrics. Just good, clean skiing. Give this woman the Gold medal for efficiency and self respect.

I’d like to see you try and qualify for Women’s Freestyle Skiing, Patrick.

Chris Long’s response to this on twitter was priceless.

I’m not going to lie, this is the best compliment I’ve ever received.

You can tell Scocca is important here because Craggs actually wrote something about him instead of putting it off until the last moment and missing his deadline.

Tom’s brilliant contributions to this penis joke emporium shouldn’t be limited to a single blog, but “On Smarm” remains one of the best pieces of writing by anyone anywhere, and should be re-read by everyone on at least an annual basis. Best of luck in your future travels.

That Scocca Jalopnik piece reads like the backstory to developing his alter ego, Rom Romberts.

because free agency is a reward for toiling for 5-10 years being RIDICULOUSLY underpaid.