Shoot one of the puppets first so she has to watch. Then explain you’re doing her a favor by executing her next so she doesn’t have to witness what you’re about to do to the other one

Good luck with that. When you figure out how to stop it, please send your results up to us in Philadelphia, where fans booing Santa Claus happened nearly 50 years ago but still gets referenced any time one of us acts up. And we’re the only fan base that’s ever acted up.

“I hope you all get in a plane crash and die.”

My money is on old person. Automobile-terrorism 101 says you want box truck, or a semi. A sedan can get wrecked just by hitting a single person. They’re just not built to plow through a crowd.

This is what happens when ya hire a guy just cuz Shep Proudfoot vouches for him, dontcha know.

This forever

I am siding with the minority on this one: dial-it back, Dakota. What are you, 16? 17? Jose Bautista or Yoenis Cespedes or Bryce Harper putting a little flair into an otherwise drab MLB game will get nothing but love from me. But this reeks of a bro who had too much bro sauce and is just bro-ing out because he is…

Having spent my childhood driving past the World Headquarters and watching it grow, this makes me sad. It also isn’t a surprise. I would also suggest that ESPN’s biggest mistake was slowly dropping content it controlled (motorsports) and spending way too much for content it did not, and did not have exclusivity with…

longtime general manager Mitch Kupchak,

Alternative take: Fuck Trump. Fuck the Pats. Fuck Boston. Fuck you. Fuck Atlanta and the Falcons, too. Fuck it all. Spring training starts soon. HERE WE GO, PHILS.

I agree. Why couldn’t it be fucking Brady who broke his ankle instead.

He should train with Fighter Hayabusa.

THAT’s FOR ZODIAC_MF AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT, PAL

Bugle Boy Polo Shirt isn’t a shirt for a dapper man, or a suave man, or a man who values his appearance. It’s a shirt for a man who has resigned himself to dad-dom, so much so that he goes on a nationally televised cooking program looking like a children’s mannequin from 1993 that was hit by Rich Moranis’ enlarging…

I was thinking more:

Rock you like a hurricocaine.

Upper decks should really have chest-height plexiglass barriers or netting.

And he’s riding a stairwell to heaven....

After the fiasco in Buffalo, Jon Bon Jovi is determined to win over the fans’ support this time. He’s even agreed to sing at Steve McNair’s Number retirement ceremony.

FS1: “Give me your ignorant, your homophobic, your blowhards yearning to breathe hot takes.”