"She".

FYI, I will be crashing your wedding. I will have full 80s hair, a three day beard, and the sleeves of my tux pushed up to my elbows. This is not negotiable.

OMG Mark, you = me and Allen = my now husband.

"But I want to get married!"

"Can we just get a pretzel instead?" Allen asked. "You like pretzels."

I love doing this to my 72 year old mom SO MUCH! Every time I visit I change her ringtones to hardcore rap, animal noises or Broadway tunes.

I really love this country sometimes.

I honestly don’t know why that deserved more than two minutes.

Still relevant.

Trust me, I don’t like them in all incarnations and forms, and I totally get where you’re coming from. It was just something that I’d wanted to do with my hair since the 80s, so I was pretty tickled about the whole thing :P

Mark, if you need a pregnant woman to accompany you to the "baby fair" I am more than happy to volunteer my 9month pregnant self. I'm giant and I cuss a lot and will totally take pictures of you trying out all the ridiculous baby gear. Think about it.

I LOVE MARK & ALLEN STORIES!

I'm seriously considering leaving my long-term boyfriend over his refusal to even discuss getting married, except in the most abstract terms, not unlike Allen here. I really don't fucking know what to do. One the one hand, I really, truly, deeply love my boyfriend. On the other hand, it's really important to me to get…

That is genius.

Jamberry is absolutely on my shitlist. Stop adding me to parties. I don’t like shit on my nails.

I need that, but add "essential oils" to my list.

NGL, I had a rattail and a Chelsea about five years ago, and I loved it.

If you’ve got the link handy, I’d love to try that.

I hope they don’t either. I remember finding out they were married and just loving how unexpected it was. Plus, divorce sucks, no matter who you are. That being said, I feel like this is one of those things that gets cycled through the tabloids occasionally—this isn’t the first time there’s been this particular rumor.

I thought blocking the businesses and leaving the parties would be enough. But they wised up and started SHARING the business/party posts from their personal FB page. I had to stop following several friends because they were clogging up my newsfeed with this stuff. Look, I do not want your stupid Jamberry nail wraps…