If the NFL has paternity leave I can’t imagine how any games get played.

. . . live in a van down by la rivière . . .

. . . . the 19-year-olds in Brooklyn who ironically wear t-shirts featuring bands that were popular when I was 19.

you are obviously younger than 35.

I see we let our subscription to Cinemax lapse. 

Someone isn’t a child of the late 80's/early 90's.

Why the fuck is HR calling me again?

What the fuck is a search engine?

Sad that Chris Cornell can't weigh in on this

Boras suggests the half-measure of getting baseball’s umpires to “oversee regular toweling of bases during wet weather”

Where on a baseball field could they find something sticky?

If Dan Marino had played hockey:

You can’t, even in your cabin in the woods, you’ll still find those “many blood sucking creatures”.

Iiiiiiiiiiiiin West Philadelphia

I knew that comment would have a swift and severe backsplash.

An inexperienced coach needs a reliable brain trust around him.

It isn’t wise to inject anything that passed through Tampa, not without a full decontamination cycle.

The thing about crowning achievements is that some societies are so starved of leadership that they’ll bestow rule with the least forethought. Defeating a backwards rabble of pirates is hardly the foundation of government.

All the teams thinking of signing him now have cold feet. 

Once again, a soccer story that ends with no scoring.