If it’s not directly covered under your insurance, most decent-sized American companies have an EAP, Employee Assistance Program that provides a certain number of no-cost (in my experience) therapy sessions a year. Good luck and kick anxiety’s ass!

Switching from something like wine to soda water with bitters or a splash of Campari can still tickles those pleasure centers, but your overall alcohol intake can be much lower.

Theory A: Haunted Doll tea party that only needs one living person to open a vortex into Hell

Damn. I hate your husband too! I’m so sorry you have to deal with that nonsense. Feed him to the Mola Mola. He’s not technically a jellyfish, but he seems toxic and boneless, so maybe it’ll count?

That isn’t something I’ve personally experienced in something in most of my relationships so it’s not a foregone conclusion, but I’ve certainly seen it at play plenty of times and yes, it is absolutely a product of male entitlement and that good ol’ Toxic Masculinity that forbids men to entertain the thought that they…

I’m partial to Dolt 45 at the moment, but Lil’ Donnie Two Scoops is pretty good.

I am only saying this because I know none of my twelve wonderful nephews will see this, but your kid is the best kid. Lil Judging You At Church Face knocked me down and The Flash finished me off.

I wonder why they’re rallying in Boston instead of Baltimore.

What a great idea! Sometimes I’m in the mood for something a little brighter than an olive martini but a little deeper than a gibson, and this seems just right.

I read it late at night and my “BITCH WHAT?” was so loud it woke up my dogs.

And you can bet they never fucking forgot her tonedeaf cookie-baking comment. I was maybe 11 and still remember how furious women were. And I honestly think the homemakers (who kinda had a point) got over it faster than the career women who’d been salty about being forced to make cookies for school bake sales to keep…

Ah yes, One of the Good Ones, from the makers of I’m Not Racist But and One Of My Best Friends Is ____, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Oh He’s So Eloquent

Miley, listen to Auntie Dolly, do an album of lo-fi classic country covers. There is nothing your target audience loves more than slow gritty covers of Jolene.

My man, who is not wise in the ways of Amazon, bought me an immersion circulator for my birthday and it was super sweet except for two problems: He didn’t change the payment method and he bought it at a huge discount from a just-launched seller. Of course it was a scam and of course it never arrived, so basically I…

Oh damn Panecito, I’m sorry. I straight up gasped when she wanted to wear a MAGA shirt with you. That’s some advanced-placement shit. From someone who’s been there in a slightly different way (What did you say Pop? Visit? Sorry, I can’t hear you over that big beautiful see through wall you voted to build) I can say it…

I have to teach idioms a lot, so I’m going to answer this assuming you’re goodhearted and genuinely asking what it means. Blood is thicker than water doesn’t mean what most people think. It’s “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” It comes from a 15th century middle-english poem and…

Yesterday there was this white LGBTQ woman complaining that if statues of Robert E. Lee are going to be taken down, then statues of MLK should come down because he didn’t believe in gay marriage and she was FULL of great ideas on how to protest the “right” way. Basically ask nicely and don’t cause trouble (which is…

I mean, he looks okay I guess, but I wouldn’t call him a grand lizard.

I bet that’s supposed to be Old Black Joe! Apparently Stephen Foster was “inspired” to write Old Black Joe by his father-in-law’s black “servant”...you know, the type of black servant who picked cotton in the 1850's. And for bonus horrorlaughing, let’s hear Bing Fucking Crosby sing it, mourning how his children and…

My guess is nearly anywhere he wants, though I think he’ll have a comparatively longish run with Los Blancos, just because he’s got so much more goodwill than Problematic Fave Mourinho.