When I was in 2nd grade, my class made gingerbread cookies. The teachers orchestrated an elaborate ruse where they pretended the gingerbread cookies ran away. They left flour trails around the school, and wrote messages from the gingerbread cookies with chalk. Messages like "Run run as fast as you can, can't catch…

Was anyone else one of those uber-sensitive kids who ascribed feelings to their toys and stuffed animals? I used to play with all of my toys on a rotation because I was afraid of hurting their feelings. I kind of did that with my clothes too - I would feel guilty if I didn't wear my red shirt for a while because I was…

As a seven year old, I raided the kitchen for my art supplies. I took some herbs, green food coloring, lemon juice, and turmeric powder to create this. My dad was so angry at me for destroying the kitchen and geting half the spice cabinet all over the floor, but he took this, and he framed it because he thought it was…

I was 8 years old when I went into my parent's bedroom one morning while my parents were still asleep and saw my Dad had a boner. I totally freaked out, woke my Mom up by dragging her out of the bed, and called 911 because I thought it was a chestburster from Aliens.

Heres the thing that I don't understand, how hardwired does racism have to be in your brain for you to not think to look at peoples body language. It's pretty obvious to me when people are talking to someone they don't want to be talking to.

Circa 2002? Maybe 2003.

I was the Room Service Coordinator at a casino in Atlantic City, NJ. My job consisted of taking orders via phone, creating the checks, assigning servers, and closing the checks. Room service also handled all the amenities for the shows, so I've been on the phone with an assortment of…

My favorite is the guy who's too drunk to get his shit together so he says hi and just stands there leering from 2 feet away, gently swaying in the non-existent breeze.

Joe was schizophrenic with benign auditory hallucinations. He was not at all violent. He was smelly but strangely not dirty or poorly groomed. If he were talking into a cell phone, you would not peg him as mentally ill. He had a clear understanding of his condition and could speak intelligently about it. He was as…

I already posted about this once, but... I dated and fucked a guy who would stand up on the bed to switch positions. And that wasn't the weirdest part - he'd keep thrusting. He had a slight belly and serious sexing face, so he looked not unlike an angry bee with his dick as the stinger.

After watching this trailer, I realized just how much I want all movies to aspire to be "the best acted, coolest looking Lifetime movie ever made." YASSS.

There are two wonderful things happening here in this story:

I have no problem with people wanting or preferring their own special kind of coffee or whatever but I am just so fucking tired of hearing about it and how it's the best and how they can't stand to drink anything but that and how if you're drinking something else you're a coffee asshole and OMG I DO NOT CARE.

a weeping willow because it was so awful that I cried

So I am very unclear...is it or is it not okay to assault the bartenders? May I still grab their butts and make lascivious comments about their junk? Can I insist on back rubs or cunnilingus? I mean, if there is no sign, I have no idea what is acceptable now.

I work at a Japanese restaurant in LA with a very Japanese sounding name and only Japanese food.

Naughty little guys never just stay put on the shelf like supposed to. And yet somehow they feel morally superior enough to report back to Santa if we misbehave?

I knew someone would know. But I went with the description instead because the fact that the Reedies were much smarter than he was was relevant to the story.

I find it hard to believe he asked a woman out to dinner with the sole intention of being platonic friends.

He says he's a different person, but he starts the note with a "you're not that hot I wasn't even asking you out" paragraph before saying all he can do is apologize, but not actually apologizing. This is after he asked out a woman he apparently remembered tormenting but decided to act like nothing had ever happened.

Adolescence is hard, but really bro,