I’m an Iowan and I don’t think I know a single person who was actually offended. Unsportsmanlike as it was, nobody is so dead inside that they can’t see that trolling us with the Farmer’s Only theme is hilarious. If you want Midwesterners without a sense of humor about themselves go to Minnesota or Nebraska.

Get it together, Stanford. Everyone knows Iowa is a hog state. Shit.

DAMN

YES ALL THE WAY THROUGH

A friend of mine and I once agreed that you can describe the essence of being in an interracial family in one phrase: "Making people uncomfortable in restaurants." Ugh.

A Haberdasher's Fuckery is when you get a black coffee with lots of room and slowly, methodically add every coffee condiment there is on that little side table— all the milks, three of all the sugars, a squeeze of honey, and generous shakes of all those weird powders. You drink it through a straw. It tastes like…

This! A thousand times, this.

FUCKING WOW

You win for "bloomin' onion".

Perhaps she would want to fuck him a whole lot more if he didn't bury his resentment and then present it to her in spreadsheet form. I don't know, just a guess.

Yikes. Perhaps my tone was unclear. I grew up around cows, and you're right, they're behaving exactly how they're meant to, which is to check out whatever is not immediately threatening and making a sound at them. Personally, I have always found it both puzzling (finding oneself pinned in a truck while cows check…

Has everyone forgotten where the phrase "cattle call" comes from?

Yes! When I watched the video I actually said aloud (to no one), "Because cows are stupid, that's why." They'll come and check out anything.

A thousand barfs. THE WORST.

Portland internet dating is awful. One time I was reading happily in my favorite bar and a random dude (stumbling drunk) approached me with my picture on his cell phone— "IS THIS YOU?!" he slurs in my general direction, "You're pretty." He had apparently been looking at my profile on his OkCupid app and recognized…

Yup, Portland. I don't know about being a bigger guy or curly hair, since I only saw a facebook shot of him fleetingly. He seemed acceptably handsome? Your story rang so oddly familiar it HAD to be him.

Oh my lord, I think I know a friend who went out with this guy. He also added to her that he was getting his own reality TV show.

I've been harassed by men of all races and ethnicities but the only men who have made me feel truly threatened while street harassing me are white men, they get ANGRY when you talk back. I've also noticed that black men will react with genuine laughter when you have a particularly witty comeback, which diffuses the…