Put a cup of something sweet out where the fruit flies are mixed with a little bit of vinegar and the flies will drown themselves. We used to do it at the grocery store I worked at around the tomatoes. Or just check and make sure you don't have any kind of mild or bruised fruit.

the egg sack was in an electrical box in my room on the wall. It never really needed to be opened so the spider must have laid it's egg sack in there at some point and nobody would have ever had a reason to find it. The web didn't feel wet it just felt sticky. The wet part was just a bad dirty joke. I never really…

At least you were outside. This was in my bedroom

This has nothing to do with the story other than its my own spider story. When I was about 15 or so I woke up one morning with something sticky on me. Knowing that I didn't have a wet dream I looked around to see what was going on. As I opened my eyes I saw web. EVERYWHERE. And on those webs, little baby spiders.…

As a fed up USC fan this didn’t really help. As a grudge holding Dolphins fan any time Nick Saban gets kicked in the nuts, I’m happy.

Can we just get rid of the NCAA already? When even EA is against on an issue I think it's time to re-evaluate your usefulness

I worked in a ticketmaster call center when I was 18-19 and apparently I have a higher pitched voice over the phone so I would routinely get called ma'am by customers. Makes you feel real nice about yourself when that kind of stuff happens to you. Last time I checked though I was still a man

I'm not even watching the debates. I have on Harry Potter 7. I think I'm making the better choice. But reading the live blog is better than being there by far so I'm good

Hey now, I had the self control to finally listen to a “don’t click this link” warning and you have subjected me to this filth anyway. All I can picture is his tongue everywhere. I can't handle it

I am basically broke right now, like so broke even taco bell is out of my price range but dammit do i want to go try one of these things. Just the chipotle one though because i am a baby when it comes to spicy food.

I had two profiles set up: “Chad” and “Not Chad”. pretty simple to figure out which one to use right? apparently not. my list was fucked up for months. those bastards

Genius

I used to be that guy driving down the street blasting bass heavy hip hop. Now I'm the weirdo singing and dancing to Taylor swift.

I hated Taylor Swift’s music like 3 weeks ago. Then one day Blank Space came on in the store I work at and I was hooked. Can’t stop listening to her. What is happening in my life

How does someone stay married to a person who is that terrible to servers? If I found out that my spouse was a dick after we were married I'd divorce them. There's a reason first dates often take place in restaurants: it's a test to see what someone's character is.

So this is just going to send you to the farther bar so the uber driver gets a good paying fare everytime right?

My cousin is literally obsessed with Lana Del Rey. She told her mother and me that she could pick out any part of Lana from any photo. Needless to say I took her up on that challenge. I picked out 20 different photos, 10 of random Lana body parts and 10 of other people. She got every single one right. There were…

I always err on the side of they're not interested. And im sure that's screwed me a few times but I'm also shy

He's been posting his weight gain for a while now. I'm about 1000% sure a lot of it is steroids. Either way I think he's hilarious.

This is the most important snacktaku ever