So this...

Perfect for creating a patch of sour patch kids...

What to stay away from:

God, we're outsourcing our US Navy Admirals to China now?

Yes. Whenever companies want us to do something, it's generally easiest to just drink the Kool-Aid they're handing out...

Here's a Kleenex so you can dry your tears...

*le sigh* Yes, it was a joke...

3 year old's love Chicken McNuggets! HAPPY MEAL BITCHES...

I guess your machine just doesn't have enough...

No. As always, Gizmodo is very, very dishonest in their kidding of you.

It's a metro theme, so the hint of blue at the bottom-right is supposed to let you know, intuitively, that there's another horse just off screen.

6 ways to totally avoid metro (transit)

I hope they RAID-5 it...

Awww man, we've all been Samsunged!

On Twitter, you say? Hmmm...

Or alcohol, or cocaine!

The only thing actually wrong with the Playbook is that you can't hack it and stick Android on it.

It's those damned social entitlement programs that're killing the economy, I swear...

Yeah, just shove a tiny ass dog into it and give it to a dumb blonde whose function in the world is indeterminable.

The feathers also ruin it.