I want my 5 minutes back.

A Mets Nursery Rhyme by Hollow Log

When John Skipper said there was too much white in his life, he was talking about drugs.

Dear [Volley Ball Coach],

You take that back. They did the best damn Gob of any show from the mid-2000s.

Arrested Development Maeby the most overrated show of all time...

So, objections:

1. White people who live in New York have to say bodega. Because otherwise they’re calling it a “corner store” or “convenience store” and that just doesn’t properly encapsulate a bodega.

7. Do not ban this word. Then we’re going to get (more) white people saying stuff like “SoHa” (an abomination that…

Is officially on the list because too many black people use ninja as a substitute for nigga, and all popular nigga substitutes are banned from white mouths.

It is so incredibly dishonest that the writer left out that fact that police received MULTIPLE 911 calls that he was believed to be pointing a “gun” at people. Why neglect to mention that? I’m genuinely curious. Did you think it’s immaterial?

I got to say, this time it really does look like a gun. Not that that is a justification, just saying.

Part One, anyway.

So is What Happens in Vegas

Moral or financial?

Between the constant falls and the obnoxious, never-ending chatter from Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir, I quit watching the skating events.

Not monitoring potential school shooters frees up some time.

Luger? More like WINNER, amirite?

Ok, I’m gonna say it. Shani Davis kinda looks like a sore loser here.

Well, if you take the case to a Jury trial I think he might get 10-15 years in football jail but he may get off with nothing. On the other hand, if you offer him a plea I bet he’d take 7-9.

Sorry, Cheap Girls. I guess you’re not changing your name.

Crap—I forgot to mention this one. * opens closet door, 20 GameCube controllers fall out *