Disclaimer: My brother sent me this. I did not make it myself 

Well, Kinja kinda ruined it by sticking “Share this story” in the middle there, but the answer is below that.

“I was a comedian who was funny enough to get SNL. That can’t be taken away.”

I hope it was his pinning arm. 

I’m making the wanking motion to this so hard I gave myself tennis elbow. She was targeted for doing shit because she’s a woman, and ironic-but-not-really mustache guy should have been deplatformed.

My girlfriend’s sister had mono when we were all in college. I was terrified I’d get it because my girlfriend was the super jealous type and she would have accused me of kissing her sister or something. And the last thing I’d want is my girlfriend yelling at me because then my wife would find out.

Nope, sorry, you’re wrong.

Fucking disgusting.

Not the Antonio Brown come back story I expected.

Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

As one of four (4) remaining dolphins fans, I was very excited when we traded for Rosen. Please pray for me and my family.

Here are all the countries that begin and end with the letter “A”: Australia, Austria, Albania, Algeria, Andorra, Angola, Antigua and Barbuda, Argentina, and Armenia

FTFY

Folks are so anxious to throw dirt on Rodgers grave, but dude is currently leading the NFL in passer rating and TDs and has yet to throw a pick.

> paramilitary contingent

+1 tub of vasoline

Dan Snyder looks like the manager at the grocery store you worked at in high school.

9 people from Toronto and no hits... what is this, Broken Social Scene?