Well, in the original Frank Darabont version of the commandments…

"Wait a minute: you're sayin' I gotta sell my Heavy Chevy to a bevy of Levy's? I hear they're dry!."

I particularly love that they did it in the most environmentally obnoxious way possible. What, they couldn't stuff it up a bunch of baby seals?

You seem like an ordinary guy.

I know! They of The Past seem to have had an oddly reductive take on the whole archiving thing. "Movie Studio failed, did it? EVERYTHING INTO THE INCINERATOR! I don't make the rules!"

Now I want to write a thing about someone who is the only person in the world who is able to time-travel, but only wants to do so for bullshit reasons.

Or at least, a paddlin'.

According to Mallory Ortberg, it's "Suck My Hand," as "SMDH" is "Suck My Dang Hand."
I actually have no idea what either means. I assume she's right.

Honestly, I recommend their violent removal. Sorry to have to say it here.

They think it makes them look tough. It actually just makes them look childish. But try telling that to Spencer's Gift, there.

You should bring some BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA on him!
(YEAAAAAAAHHHH….)

And also entirely real people doing actual terrible shit in Idaho, Montana, Oregon…

I would like to put him in the 1976 made-for-teevee movie "The Boy in the Plastic Bubble," with John Travolta. And then kick him.

IT'S BEST YOU JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING!

It isn't intersectional, or something!

See, things always have their natural equivalents!

You know, I especially loved your vocals on the first Enya album.

Masterclass-level trolling, sir or madam.
"Thing that May Have Happened" + "AND YOU GUYS DID NOTHING ABOUT IT" = "And see, that's why you're all morally bankrupt, and can't ever talk about anything anymore."
With a hearty side order of Listicle, oddly lowercase, and Dummy's Attempt At Irony.
A fuckin' ++!

"Gimme yer badge and gun, Saver! Yer off the case!"

And buy it in a CAN, damn you! Like an AMERICAN!