I got confused for a minute when I saw this break and spent multiple minutes frantically making sure he wasn’t Dan Rather.

John was cool about it but what a dick move to post a text message. If John wanted to speak publicly he would have responded on Twitter. John was acting as a friend and Kanye shit on him.

Chrissy Teigen honestly comes off as the most charming human being on earth with virtually every single tweet. To the point that I almost want to resent her for it, but I can’t because I really want to be her BFF.

Patton Oswalt last night on Late Night read part of it out loud and I don’t know how he kept it together. Then Seth showed his high school photo in lieu of a segue. “Look at that guy,” Patton said, and in a goofy voice went, “I’m gonna marry a crimefighter!” And now I’m crying.

Yeah, no shit. Even if he’d said “we appreciate her work for keeping this unsolved murder in the spotlight and for bringing renewed attention to it,” that would have been something.

I mean, if cops are shamed into digging up a cold case that they then solve, do they ever stand up and go “Thanks for shaming us into looking into this”. Heeeeelll no. They go “We were always working on this, and this just goes to show we never give up.”

Whatever it was that nailed this guy’s coffin shut, I’m here for it. Yesterday must have been an incredible emotional rollercoaster of a day for those who loved his murder victims and the survivors. May they sleep better at night knowing that he is finally, finally behind bars.

Murder goes unsolved for 3o years.

I think Melania wore that giant hat so that she could lower her head and glower at Trump from under the brim without being caught by the cameras.

Ah, comfortably dumb.

Some of the replies to the tweet are just insanely good:

Man, people used to be so witty. That comeback is perfect.

Or this guy...

the WALL!

I see Michelle Pfeiffer’s character in Scarface. What does it all mean?!?

Reminded me of the old Churchill/Lady Astor exchange: “If I were your wife, Winston, I’d give you poison.” “If I were your husband, Nancy, I’d drink it.”

Don’t worry, the liar-in-chief has a backup plan in case Dr. Ronny Jackson doesn’t work out: