That is one gnarly dude of a professor.

“Get ready to shred, brah!”

I’m just happy that the odds are getting better that I won’t have to go all the way to Rio to catch part of the Olympic experience.

That call’s not going to curry any favor with Sharks fans.

“Watching this crybaby succeed makes me very upset.”

You can’t get the real one, but go to a house of worship for any religion and you can get some shitty hacked one.

Oh, so when La Russa squeezes into a booth unannounced, he’s “defending the truth.” But when I do it, I’m “drunk” and “not welcome in this IHOP anymore.”

Despite the fact that Simmons has, uh, limited camera appeal...

“the type of humor the station regularly engages in”

OF COURSE the million mile Toyota Tundra is beige.

If you’re truly a lifelong Caps fan, why are you commenting here instead of being dead from having shoved a pencil through your neck years ago?

This is the kind of shit that makes people think 9/11 was a hoax.

[In maternity ward]

Nomar Mazara has an A++ name: Nomar Shamir Mazara Jiminian.

+$100 on Brighton and Hove Albion

Seriously, John Boehner doesn’t use a bronzer—he doesn’t tan either—he is just saturated with bourbon.

.

Let’s cut the guy some slack on his day off. It’s not easy being a St. Louis policeman.

Hi sorry, did your country suddenly devolve into a civil war with global superpowers backing each faction so that your daily life you risk being blown up because one faction decided to come through your neighborhood? Oh and how about your neighbors? Are they in the same shit as well? Well what are your options then?…