I still love him, even if he knows dick about cat dick.

I don’t know. This sounds like a pretty cut and dried situation. My friend was in a car accident where all the connections in his neck were severed like this. He stood up, and guess what? Of course no one knows anything with 100% certainty, but grammar-trolling in this case is a little excessive.

You should re-create the exact same injury on yourself and then let us know the odds of survival.

You definitely get the point of the article.

I’m glad that my life isn’t so empty that the free time I have away from work and taking care of my family aren’t squandered by being a huge asshole in a video game.

You missed the point.

Really?

Yeah, he’s going to read this and get his feelings hurt.

Well, even they know that Democrats and lefties have better fashion sense than they do.

...if you’re going to come to Atlanta, sometimes that’s how it is around here, you’re going to have to get used to it.

I don’t believe I’ve ever seen the word “rectum” rendered in such a tacky, saccharine script.

The question really just came out wrong. What he meant to ask was:

Yup. My smartest, funniest most beautiful friend killed herself with a gun her boyfriend kept in the house. Pretty sure she’d still be here today if she lived in a gun free home and the impulse could have passed without tragedy.

It is a well-known scientific fact that if you look at a butthole closely enough, you will see the words “Exit” inscribed on it in the language your mother spoke when she was pregnant with you.

The JFK reference threw me. He was a democrat and notorious philanderer. What? Isn't this against everything your party stands for?

“The rectum is an exit, not an entrance”

Just some notes from my personal bugbear. Guns make it easier to commit suicide, on top of being the preferred murder weapons for abusers. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in America, and the more you have to plan out and the harder it is to kill yourself, the less incentive you have to do it on a sudden…

As a graphic designer, AAAAAGH, AGH, MAKE IT STOP, JESUS GOD.

Am I a bad person for immediately thinking conspiracy theory? I mean, lots of people have to have thought that for at least a second, right?

Look, man. It’s News, OK? What more do you want from us? Shit.