• Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson’s marriage is “crumbling.”

never have I encountered a pursuit of orgasm that seems so completely exhausting as this.

“Even when I worked in PC World I would sometimes walk up to people and nip at their shirt. I got in trouble once; someone walked into the PC repair centre and I had part of their dad’s computer in my mouth. But the other staff knew I was like that to everyone. They didn’t find it weird.”

I was thinking Stephen Avery and Grumpy Cat plus a lot of pregnant drinking.

His arteries are clogged with patriotism.

unfortunately i am literally the exact opposite of that. I’m deeply insecure and test my relationships like a petulant teenager until I feel safe. Just generally a joy to be around you might say!

For many years now, Madonna has made me regret ever having loved her.

Personally, I think we all need to start wearing hoola hoops to institute mandatory no-touch personal zones.

Madonna so seamlessly morphed into Edina Monsoon I didn’t even notice until now.

Election ulcers, here we come.

Something weird is happening to me. I’m starting to feel a little...pity...for this kid. He’s obnoxious and I only like one or two songs and he really, really needs to stop with the pets. He makes a bajillion times more money than I do to sing and dance and he has the power to do pretty much anything he wants. But, I…

Considering how much he likes to yell about "America First", Trump sure likes to drop a lot of coin overseas for his self-named golf shrines and "luxury lifestyle" developments.

Wait, HOLD ON, why didn’t this article mention he was an all star football player? I’VE CHANGED MY MIND. It is obvious this guy didn’t do it because, football. And like, potential! AND FOOTBALL!

Oh, didn’t you know? As soon as you say you’ve been raped veryone starts throwing money at you and praising you - not dragging your name and reputation through the mud, examining every tiny move you’ve ever made, and calling you a lying slut. I don’t know what alternative world he’s living in, but I’d really like to…

Always useful when a predator reveals his criteria for potential victims (women with “lifestyles,” meaning they’re black or poor). He’s too much of an ignorant, spoiled little shit to see how obvious his guilt is to everyone else.

Also, props to the SVU detective on his own force that helped to put him away. She's a badass.

Where’s the money, then, asshole?

They shouldn't have. It was awful to watch/listen to. He's such a disgusting piece of garbage.

Why the fuck are they even interviewing him?

I truly don’t remember anything about Hillary procuring rape drugs.