Anyway, he’s over 60 with diabetes, so he has to be extra careful.

President Oompa Loompa has three golf resorts in the UK. Need to know more?

Joe Vs. The Volcano--end up on a raft made of luggage.

Probably helps that they are in Australia.

No one should be surprised. Tom Hanks and travel do not get along.

I couldn’t bear to listen to/watch more than about 30 seconds of that Trump “address,” but he really didn’t sound well. At times like he was suppressing a cough, and at the very least like he’s on a fair number of drugs. He is not ok. 

Egads. That’s Meg Ryan level face lifting

AM/FM is new for them. And also: They took our high paying, high tech jobs!

Adrienne Bailon is one of the 30 percent of Americans who doesn’t wash her hands after using the bathroom.

No juice.

No juice.

Meanwhile, Kamala Harris apparently waited to endorse Biden until there were no more women left in the race.

I honestly thought to myself for a second thats its never a nice thing to wish a disease on someone, and then I remembered that he just the other day wanted to not let a cruise ship dock and release passengers because it would make his numbers look bad.

Imagine if he gets it and then spreads it to Pence, Mitch, and the rest of the Geriatric Goons. Nature finally accomplishes what humanity couldn’t.

Leave the styling to the Swedes; the Koreans can do the infotainment.

Hold up - does this mean we may finally get a glance at Dolly Parton’s tattoos?! 

If you go back far enough, everyone is related to everyone. Which is why I am getting increasingly angry that my claim to be recognized as a member of the House of Hollenzorn has been rejected yet again.

It would make sense if it's a two-stroke application and you'd need room to attach check valves for each port to prevent backdraft. 

There’s one genius thing here that needs to be incorporated in every car - the fact that honking the horn lessens your range. Can you picture it?
Honk the horn at someone because they didn’t floor it off the line at a light and they don’t have the reaction time of a Top Fuel driver? Minus ten miles
Honk the horn at…

I would literally stuff that baby back up your vagina if I found you wiping that baby's ass on merchandise. 

JOAN! I don’t understand this!! The one time Wendy is right, and you disagree with her? What in the world.