Really nice work here Drew. You might even say this joke was... called well.

The Celtics were everywhere.

As soon as he figures out which mediocre 1980s ensemble comedy to compare their roster to.

Most guns recovered from Chicago crime scenes are traced back to purchases in adjacent red states.

Uh, you forgot to list the other 29 teams. Haha! Wow, somebody is gonna get an earful from their editor today! Sheesh.

My joke above was in reference to the often-baffling state of what constitutes a catch and what doesn’t in the modern iteration of the NFL rule book. I like to have a little fun with it sometimes.

UNC announced that he is unlikely to miss any classes as a result of this injury. Berry announced that he won’t be attending any classes in the near future as he rehabs his hand.

“Remember when Yi Jianlians schooled Barack Obama on the court?”

Of course not. It’s a car.

Boston: “Philadelphia charm at New York prices, with LA’s subway system.”

Goes to Boston and immediately thinks all other cities’ sports teams are terrible????

Congratulations, Kyrie, on being the first ever person to drive Boston’s streets and still have a positive attitude about the city.

I never understood Klinsmann’s firing. Dude won the WC as a player. He then not only successfully coached the national team of the world’s greatest or second greatest soccer powerhouse, but set up the system and laid the foundations that made said powerhouse the current FIFA WC champs.

Fuck the US Soccer media who applauded the Bruce Arena appointment. Fuck the people who question the commitment of dual-nationals.

Most of all, fuck the douchebags who fired Klinsmann for being right all along, and imagined that a Bruce fucking Arena could know or do better than somebody who actually won a World Cup as a player and successfully coached one of the world’s elite national teams, and set up the system and laid the foundations that…

Wait, STB’s her best friend, who she asked to officiate her wedding, but they hadn’t met her fiance until after they were engaged? Unless they live far apart, that seems sketchily fast- saying that people are concerned she’s moving too fast might not be ill-received, especially if they can think of a tactful way to…

Fried chicken + beer = gritty:

If only Brady had been properly hydrated, he could have avoided that burn.

How to: Press update.

“How to install Oreo on your phone”