I love heating my home with freedom gas. Sometimes victory gin isn’t enough to warm me up, but it does stomp out the thoughtcrimes.

No, we didn’t.  We voted for the lady in the pantsuit.  The electoral college voted for these policies.

DNA. Doesn’t. Define. Family.

The link shows it’s an open bid contract. Maybe they’ve got someone in mind, but they don’t even put in a suggestion. The line items are specified but leave the price blank for the bidder to enter.

I guess the pitch for this technique would be that CBP doesn’t do a good job sniffing out fraud and that they suspect far more than 101 “fraudulent families” entering and not getting referred.  Sounds like a fishing expedition.

If Trump imposes a tariff that raises the price of turtle wax, maybe.

Technically he’s right.  The report doesn’t speak for itself.  You have to read it.

Nancy Pelosi passive aggressively dreams of dick-punting Mark Zuckerberg.

Hold the phone.  Are you implying that Trump can read?  That’s just silly.

He’s not smart enough to do both. That requires Orwellian doublethink, and Trump strikes me as a very “two points connected by a wavy line” kind of thinker.

Monitoring the menstrual cycles of minors... in custody... soooooo...

Pretty sure I heard Schumer mutter “There is no spoon”.

There’s a window.  Usually about nine months.  After they leave the mommy parts they’re tainted with original sin and cooties.

Based on his tweet, I don’t think Trump understands.  The only question is whether he’s willfully ignorant or just too stupid to grasp what Mueller said.

National Lampoon’s Mission Impossible.

This is a dodge.  Show us your antennae Burneko!

It gets more fantastic than that.  Did you know that John McCain was HER father?  Sorry, I should’ve warned you to encase your head in steel to stop it from exploding so hard.

I’m starting to think the Republican party is not acting in good faith.

Did the photographer get to take 1st?

This is the point in the fallacy circle where people who want to agree with their preconceived notions turn off their brain and lie “I get it!”