A stranger recently told me I look like him, and I almost punched her (which would have probably only made things more uncanny ...).

You seem fun.

I caught glimpses of this dongbag’s show while I was at the gym last night. Shockingly, there was absolutely no mention of federal authorities raiding the office and hotel room of the personal attorney to a sitting president of the United States. It is an every day occurrence, after all.

Man, Tucker does not like anything that mixes black and white.

There’s a job opening down I-55 at a Sinclair station if he needs it!

As I’ve stated other places, I’ve made many many other videos that I think were just as good and illustrative of some important element of our reality that went nowhere, because Jimmy Kimmel wasn’t on Twitter when we posted it or whatever.

This whole deal of going viral is a lottery.

He did hire me...

Stupid babies need the MOST attention!

Exactly - Lovejoy’s the butt of that joke, not Apu. Just reinforcing that the Simpsons did in fact once understand how to skewer stereotyping.

His mom thinks he’s cool!

I thought the Simpsons nailed dismissive and reductive attitudes towards Apu to the wall a long, long time ago, via Reverend Lovejoy:

No one cares what you think.

Tim is good at his job. He’s not that good at his job.

Make a video that makes me look like I have friends!

That was impressive. I was tempted to ask you do Big Bang Theory next, but that would mean you’d have to watch it. And not even the most dedicated satirist should have to go that far.

When you say it’s a wonderful day, but your life is spiraling out of control:

Lol wut? Can’t deal with episodes before 2000? That’s unpossible

“influenced by Family Guy, to its great benefit” is a thing that is never true about anything, not even Family Guy.

Yes, it’s possible, and takes less than you would think. A good friend of mine died after eating just one peanut. All I have to remember him by is this EpiPen he pressed in my hand as he lay dying. He seemed very insistent that I should have it.