I stay strong with the help of nightly fantasies that involve impaling the foreheads of irksome customers (or management) with the pin of my nametag.

That lady is seriously fucking metal.

A bird landed on the middle finger[...]

TO BE FAIR, there is a big difference between wild and farmed salmon, especially regarding health concerns (pregnant women, for example, should only eat wild).

As someone named "Basil", it seems that every new namesake I discover is more badass than the last.

"She tourniquets her arm at the elbow with an ice pick and towel, washes the blood off, puts the offending knife onto the gas fire, heats it to a nice brick red and...wait for it...cauterize her own arm."

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the tale of Saint Basil Fuckoff, the patron saint of waiters and bartenders.

"It's not wild chicken."

Gee, what was your first hint?

Lol vaginas amirite

Thus endith my dad's 60 year unrequited crush...

You're going to have to come at us with something stronger than this, Mark. After all, the readers SUBMITTED all of these stories once, beating your ingrown hair by a mile. http://jezebel.com/5664007/10-of-…

Woman (me!) gets dumped right before Christmas, spends the $60 set aside for ex's present on a really nice vibrator (originally $80 but on sale—must have been meant to be). Two years later, the vibrator and I are still together. <3 <3 <3

Men can't bring stroller's onto buses? Who knew?

Ugh, your family sucks. I'm sorry. YOU DO YOU GURL.

If you don't want it I will take all of unwanted shit. Specially the amazon gift cards. There is only so much Supernatural Romance Smut my credit card can handle.

Your husband is a wonderful evil man.

My Grandma got me liquor and a flask. She knows perfectly well that I'd consume it that night. And I did.....

Really Sesshomaru needed to be made even hotter? He's literally the modern archetype of aloof bishonen oniisan's.

Minnesota addendum: