It's also "watering hole," not "water hole."

I can confirm that the mic does nothing in the American 3DS version. Come on, Bash! Help me out! Just walk straight to the fifth dungeon and look in the room to the right. Here's a map: [mikesrpgcenter.com] The dungeon is at grid coordinates L1. To get there, you have to enter L2 from either the east or the west, and…

This is the only reason I just bought a 3-month Playstation Plus membership a few days ago. In light of that, I'm pretty mad to hear that it only goes until the 11th, but that wouldn't have changed my decision.

In 3DS NES Zelda 1, has anyone tried killing Pol's Voice (the bunny head enemy, also vulnerable to arrows) by making a loud noise into either the player 1 or player 2 microphone? I'm especially curious about the Japanese version, mister Ashcraft.

Fact check: While the original Transformers toys were designed in Japan, the name and story of the Transformers as we know them were developed by Marvel Comics and Hasbro in America. For example: before the Americans came up with concepts like "Megatron" or "Decepticon," there was a Japanese toy called "Gun Robo - P38…

Alyssa's the only Gawker editor ever to star my profile, and even I want to throw her under the bus.

But that ignores the fact that it's plugged into a TV, which is still the primary display, yet this "tablet" notion has gelled into the console's primary cultural cubbyhole. It's like the critics are obsessed with the iPad, even as they use it for a derisive comparison. Too weird.

The Wii-U isn't a tablet any more than a DS is, goofball.

Cobaltios is talking out of his ass based on a vague physical resemblance, as though a big touch screen the size of an iPad's makes something an iPad. No, it's going to be more like a big, ergonomic DS.

Or you could just have a little faith in you fellow man, with a justifiable but polite grain of salt. Instead, you've chosen a hostile confrontation as a response to a friendly warning.

Oh, you poor thing. You're just defenseless out here, aren't you?

Oh, you poor thing. The Internet is going to eat you alive.

I will agree that Nintendo's penchant to design touch screen commands that you can't execute with buttons has always annoyed me, especially in cases like Zelda where the theoretical button control scheme would have been the most obvious thing in the world. They've been doing it since the DS was born, as if to force us…

Didn't say it was only one incident, bro. Didn't say it was only one incident. Look, I care enough to warn people about my conclusions, but not enough to get into a whole science experiment of clinically repeatable results every single goddamn time I bring it up. You can just fuck off if you don't believe me. I get…

Okay, props on EBA. I'm right there with you, but you're still hurting my feelings picking on Spirit Tracks. I don't think you'll be able to convince me that you really tried to meet it on its own terms. I think criticizing a game on the design level (and yes, I realize that's exactly what I just did to Zelda II…

Sounds like you just suck at touchscreen. My girlfriend beat that game, and she has a hard time killing octorocks in Ocarina of Time.

Oh, come on. It wasn't that hard. The only Zelda game I haven't beaten is Zelda II. I'm powering through it right now, though, and let me tell you: THAT is a hard game. I don't like throwing around terms like "broken," but they sure did have different ideas about difficulty on that little project.

Kuma is so heavily redesigned that he looks more like a Street Fighter character than a Tekken character. I appreciate that they're not just lifting assets straight from Namco's hard drives without modification.

What's that you say? A little-known malfunction doesn't happen in 100% of all cases? Thanks for the intel. I must be full of shit.

Nobody ever believes me when I say this, but Wiis corrupt Gamecube memory cards. I'll never put one in my Wii again after what I lost.