If she is looking for friendship, then she owes it to herself to determine if this friendship has potential. Jesus Christ.

I’m sensing a common theme in Jane’s advice: If a friend or lover isn’t perfect, ditch them and find someone better to replace them.

I don’t think she owes them anything but if things are good otherwise, she has nothing to lose in simply saying she’s not interested in doing certain things to her appearance.

I know, right? Especially when the letter writer told Jane that she’s excited about her friendships with these girls b/c she really likes them and has a hard time making female friends. I’m sensing a common theme in Jane’s advice: If a friend or lover isn’t perfect, ditch them and find someone better to replace them. N…

I’m willing to go to bat for the letter writer - while I don’t think it’s necessary for the MIL/FIL to fall all over themselves in gratitude, I think that not saying a simple ‘thank you for hosting’ as a minimum standard is very bad form. I would hope that any guest who was acquainted with the letter writer’s parents…

I agree with everything you said. I also have racist in-laws, and when my husband finally cut them off, I was ecstatic. We have a kid, and knowing that my awful MIL will never meet her first grandchild feels amazing. Yes, I’m extremely petty, and I don’t care! Punishing a racist is an incredible feeling, and I…

Yes, and the way she says it, “I have half white children, muslim children”, makes it sound like they are hers and not “ours”.

I definitely read it as her having children as well.

I don’t get why Jane suggests the marriage was a mistake, because one set of in-laws are jerks. That’s way out of left field. I had a horrible marriage with great in-laws who I miss dearly, and now I’ve been in a darn near blissful marriage for 7 years, and I don’t like my mother-in-law.

Co-sign.

Even when it seems that the kids are still too young to understand the whole situation, it still leaves an impression on them. My paternal grandmother (we’re German) had some deeply ingrained Nazi beliefs (explained away with being a very conservative Catholic). She died when I was only seven, but during my early…

I agree. Especially for the sake of the kids—I’m mixed, and I had a racist grandfather (he had the decency to die off when I was a teenager); even our comparatively brief visits were painful because I knew I was only being tolerated. Kids shouldn’t have to deal with relatives who only tolerate them, in their own home.…

Bingo! Just because this woman wants a relationship with you on her terms doesn’t mean you have to give it to her. If you’re upset about this, say so: “When you and Fergus were so unpleasant during my wedding, it made me feel like you didn’t respect all the hard work that went into making it a celebration.” Then…

Yeah. At the very least, she should be cautious towards her in-laws and look for signs that they may by destructive in her life.

Yes, the advice felt very wrong to me also. I had a similar situation — not as bad though — where my MIL and FIL paid for nothing (not even the rehearsal dinner) (my mother and father paid for a lot, as well as both me and my husband), thanked no one, and as soon as they arrived, started complaining. but they didn’t…

I hope the racist is like 90 but she is probably closer to 60 so she may live for decades. Hubby needs to make arrangements to care for momma racist without living with her. This will not work. MIL #2 needs to be told bride is upset by their behavior at wedding. If not, it will be a thorn forever. Hubby should tell…

New hubby needs to demonstrate that he understands his role here and have a talk with his parents about being nicer to his wife.

Agreed- MIL knows she behaved badly and hurt the writer, so now she’s trying to suck up. Either the husband needs to tell his mom what’s up or writer needs to be direct. Make some “I feel...” statements and go from there. Like “I feel hurt that you were so unhappy with the ceremony that you disparaged it to other…

1st LW: call your MIL a racist piece of shit, loudly, in front of the children and your husband, as often as possible. Do not make nice with her, tell her to go fuck herself, and encourage your children to tell her the same.

The fact that your mother-in-law is reaching out to you is a good sign! FFS, stop scouring your wedding photos for evidence of her hatred toward you and your family and just, like, go to Olive Garden with her or something.