I’m pretty sure I never had one. I was never aware of having one. I was never aware of it tearing or stretching. I sometimes think about how if I had lived in a society that does like hymen checks to establish virginity I’d be stoned or unmarriable. When, in reality, I was a total late bloomer in that regard (lost…

Yeah. I don’t really dig the video. But I think it is supposed to be a statement about how the infantilizing of women is fucked up. So. Nice try?

I was raised a lot like you and think my tastes are similar to yours. I honestly really don’t care about sweets. I grew up on plain old Cheerios and I find sugary cereals pretty gross. I was the kid who asked for broccoli or a whole tomato or munched on shredded carrots when offered cookies, chocolate, etc. If I do…

Can I just talk about how much I love Love + Radio for a moment? It is true that Love + Radio is like the grittier sister of This American Life. TAL is well-produced storytelling that you’ll probably learn something from. Love + Radio is like real, raw, magic, and a glimpse inside the head of someone you would have…

Are spelt and farro actually different?

Lauras = great! Laurens = usually, not so great.

So everyone’s sad about this. Am I just too poor to get it? I’ve gone in there a few times. I’ve liked things. And then they’ve been $300. For kitschy (and awesome! I’m not denying that) but not-daily-wear items. So I’m not really losing anything here.

It’s not about how women are allowed to dance. Not for me at least. It’s not that it’s not ok that this video has components of male gaze to it. It’s just that it’s absurd to pretend that it doesn’t.

I agree that this video is in no way like the worst example of the male gaze. There are certainly parts of it that aren’t directly catering to men. It’s a fun and catchy video and I like it! But the male gaze is far far FAR from “conspicuously absent” here.

Sure. Of course. We all shake our butts when we dance. But when you’re filming a music video, if you shake your butt in eye-line with the camera, in sexy-sexy motions, while wearing skimpy clothes and sexy makeup, its... fine! But it’s also undeniably shaped by the male gaze.

Right? Which part of all the twerking asses for the camera and crop tops and slightly parted red lips were not male gaze oriented?

My parents gave me a few pieces from Athleta last year for Christmas and they’ve all gotten SO MUCH use. Not even really workout clothes. A nice warm sweater, a hoodie, super-warm leggings. I’ve never bought anything from there myself cuz $$$ but I’m on board! Athleta’s great.

Yeah. I agree. I don’t need Stoya to be a perfect victim. But I can still have an opinion on what the “right thing to do” would be in this situation. And I think it’s problematic to continue to feature someone in creative work that you know to be a rapist. I think it’s especially dangerous to continue to feature…

I said your intuition was probably right. You also do not know what her motivations were. She could have been asking to be informed. There’s nothing smarmy and assholehish, in itself, about asking “What does that mean?” rather than just saying “Yes. I don’t care what that means. I like leg room.”

I’m sure your intuition about this particular person is right. I wasn’t there. But there is the possibility that someone would want to know more about what that entails because they have disabilities etc and may not be able to help in the ways that would be expected.

I remember studying for the bar and finally being like “Oh, THAT’S what the law is? Why didn’t you just tell me that in school?”

31 and parents still pay the cell bill. I pay all my other day to day expenses and have for a long time. I also have had enormous privilege. Just glad to know I’m not the only thirtysomething who doesn’t pay for their phone.

I’m ok with someone figuring out whether they actually would be able to help in case of emergency rather than just saying yes.

“If it really was a fantasy roleplay where the victim was screaming for him to stop as part of the roleplay, but then used her safeword and Deen kept on going, that is egregiously damning for Deen...”