I was really hoping that this story would be filed under something like: “No duh” or “No shit, Sherlock” in the tags above.

We are a deeply unserious country.

“being someone’s daughter actually isn’t a career qualification.”

“Goofus says that families should be separated at the border, but Gallant knows that it is a violation of human rights to punish asylum seekers by keeping them in inhumane conditions.”

I only have one condition about my man’s balls and it is Be Smaller Than Dinosaur Eggs Please.

Man you can’t make some of this shit up....but even that is probably one of those ones where you actually have to take someone aside and explain ‘yea, they are totally serious so don’t laugh in their face’ type moments.

Sounds like the situation needs more flamingos

Property-obsessed voyeurs such as myself, you’re welcome:

She bought it for $2.8M?

She was only 22 and he was an older man in a position of power. Of course she was far less to blame for the adultery than him. Not that she isn’t to blame for some of it because she was still an adult, but I’d put it 75% him, 25% her, and that people should get over it now.

Great. Fuck ‘em both. In my dreams, this ends like Death Becomes Her with the two of them continually disfiguring each other and then spackling themselves back together.

Glad that wasn’t just me and my ADD.

Don't be fooled by the rocks that she got..

Greetings in advance to the Fixer Upper fans who do not usually read Jezebel.com! Let me save you some time: Do not bother emailing me about my potty mouth because I have no intention of cleaning it up. 

Donald Trump Jr., a man who only knows how to work for his dad, had a real nice time on Monday night as opening act for his father at a rally in El Paso, Texas. With his magnet beard looking more magnetic than ever, Trump basked in the applause of his father’s supporters, really soaking it in.

I’m sorry... “loser teachers”?  Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?@!?

This judge has raped/molested women/girls, I fucking guarantee it. At an absolute minimum, there have been date rape. Men who understand consent AND GET CONSENT don’t say things like this.

Yeah, people need to get over the “Free Melania” meme. She knows what she’s doing and is all in.

She spent hours each day consuming the television coverage

A male cousin, I assume. He can’t be in the presence of other temptress women without Mother there to cold shower his dick.