This is awesome. Look at Clooney.

Thank you! I went to the Apple store today and they confirmed that is the right thing to do. My computer is suspended over a fan for the next 3 days, then I'm taking it in for a post-mortum.

Whahaha!

Hung out with seven guys in seven days. Had all the sex (with protection of course).

My cat went missing last April. Guess who showed up at the pound this week? OH YEAH.

If you were at my house and suggested this game I would stab you in the face. But in a nice way.

Not to mention that I get the vibe that if this woman did eventually work outside the home, he'd say that he couldn't "really" see himself being with a "career woman". Go on and just do you, lady, and find the emotional support you need even if you have to pay for it. You'll be OK!

So it's like when my boyfriend "makes me" watch awkward comedies that I hate, because he actually thinks it's adorable when I yell at the TV "NO NO STOPPPP" when something super-awkward happens and then hide behind a pillow. (And by makes me, I mean asks politely if he can watch <insert show here> and I almost always…

When the music ended at the close of our reception, which was a fabulous time, my very drunk stepfather decided that the gay wedding guest my equally drunk mother had been mauling on the dance floor throughout the night should be the target of his Italian ire (how dare anyone go near his woman!!!). So he found him in…

I would just like to throw out some should-be-obvious wisdom out there that I learned this year:

The 5 day wedding "weekend" in which the bride handed me a grocery sack and ordered me to collect 250 perfectly shaped river rocks.

Now, recover from your vaginal wince and ready your typing fingers for stories of weddings that did not go well.

I will never understand the absolute disdain for black people so many assholes have. WHAT. IS. YOUR. FUCKING. PROBLEM.

I died. I already miss her truth bombs.

Jeez lady, just let it go.

Do you wanna take this summons?

While I teach the older kiddos (7th grade), I feel EVERYTHING about this post. Hugs and high fives!

Skipping the glass and chugging straight from the bottle eliminates this issue.

This would happen to me even with the pretty beige dresses that they have. If it's lighter than black, there will inevitably food stains on it at some point.

I love the way white looks on me but if it's white there's a 100% chance that I'm going to spill something on it. Probably red wine. And that's how I decided that Olivia Pope is a wizard.