yessss

I love her so much. I really wish she wasn’t a friend of Woody Allen it really makes it hard for me but I cannot deny my love of her.

Yup. This is the classiest way I can think of to describe my former days of hoeism, to borrow a phrase.

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1. She looks awesome.

Eh. She’s no Carrie Fisher. I would pay to watch a talk show hosted by Carrie and her dog.

Keaton needs a talk show. Stat.

This is about butt stuff right

This really helped me get through the day. Sending u all my <3s.

THIS is the argument I’ve had with those who I consider NOT my friends (also know as the “An AR doesn’t do that much damage” cuntbags). I work in Emergency Medicine and believe me, If I had to (touch wood) be shot with a gun and a choice, I’d go handgun/pistol all the way. That’s repairable (mostly; unless someone has…

I look forward to an even longer filibuster when republicans fuck it all up. Woooooo.

I want to hate on this, but this chick makes tens of thousands of dollars just by brushing her teeth, flies her cats around on private jets and bangs hot British dudes.

“Rhode Island: Even Delaware’s Like, ‘Who?’”

THE HOUR BETWEEN ME FINDING OUT ABOUT THIS AND IT BEING REPORTED ON JEZEBEL WAS THE HARDEST HOUR OF MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I AM SURPRISED I AM EVEN STILL ALIVE.

They are both so extra that I’m surprised this pairing wasn’t brought into existence sooner to be honest.

I said up top that we only included descriptions from 2016. That masterpiece is in this round-up: http://theslot.jezebel.com/every-word-jez…

Guys I am snorting at my desk and sincerely needed this today. But like, you left out the legit winner forever and ever from Kelly Faircloth: