Out of curiosity, what’s with all the parentheticals?

You can add Dennis Schroder to that list to keep it current.

I like this because Russell Wilson is somehow whiter than Macklemore.

At the local Seahawks bar.

So are a lot of good rappers. It's an attitude and persona that has seen a lot of success in that particular industry.

No, they like him because he's safe and white. He just happens to be clean (comparatively) on top of that.

Flash frozen fruits? Sure, let me just drop a grand on a flash freezer so I can make better smoothies. (Unless you can purchase flash frozen fruits which I am not aware of. If this is the case, please accept my sincerest apologies for this half-rant.) Alton always comes up with the most inefficient ways to prep food.…

Derozan: If we win, we’ll be 1 in 3.

Hint: We don't.

Shaqs head is full of more air than Houston's Superbowl mascot.

Only Ryan Mallett's head is filled with more air.

The incoherent, unsolicited rambling is explained by the fact that it now takes this guy a whole blunt to get high.

Thank you for the explainer.

Hey, how about don't trust any media at all?

Craig Dundulis? More like Craig "Done tell us again bout them dam creationers."

What if they didn't post anything, like a normal human being?

Sophia missed the point of the assignment if she thinks the Vikings can still win the Super Bowl this year.

We should also not blame Greg Harden for his atrocious defense, even though he only has 1 sack.

“finally outlining exactly how the best hacking in baseball happened”

Mark Jackson preaching on a street corner like a fucking psychopath.