Brandon Webb, Jason Schmidt have hit for the cycle. Meanwhile, no Padres player has ever done it. This makes me sad.

The reason you might be in the grays is because you say things like "smdh."

Maybe if he took it more seriously, instead of playing in his pajamas, he'd have a shot.

Fuck you.

I think this every year, now, and it makes me nostalgic for the good old ‘roid days.

You're not accounting for the fact that the ball may have been smacked just 27 miles short of all the way around the world.

It's because all the bros moved to San Diego. Seriously, so many fucking massholes here now.

Believe it or not, a couple of these guys are actually on SNL now!

You realize this is a parody right? They’re supposed to sound like stoners and this is supposed to be unprofessional and incoherent.

It’s him...Beck Bennett. He and Kyle Mooney made it to SNL together.

Serious question: are there literally just people with buckets of confetti up on the rooftops?

Wine is not beer.

Sucking sudsy beer through a straw causes said sudsy beer to become even sudsier as it enters your mouth.

I'm pretty sure a very similar event is what caused Dallas Buyer to start a club.

So....the ex-husband and the judge are fucking. Yes?

It's almost as if he's played baseball before.

And how many USWNT kits have you bought?

Oops.

So you assumed Deadspin is upset that they just got namedropped in front of millions of people? And it's ok Dolphins, fan, you can cry on my shoulder. Deadspin hasn't written anything nice about my team either.

I thought for sure that was Hunter Pence. Bartolo should have been the end to this series.