How can he be the MVP when he hasn’t even dinged any dang dongs?

Same for me. But only because I have no retirement savings and will probably work until I drop dead anyway.

He takes time off every game. It’s called “When he should be playing defense.”

I think you’ve had the wrong ones....

Which key player on the 76ers is healthy? Dario Saric? OK, he’s fine. But trading the Bulls roster for him seems like a bad move.

I always root against calamari because it is too chewy. 

You should try to make this point again when you aren’t so drunk.

But was it a sandwich?

Somebody was listening to Chris Carter.

I can’t tell, all of the Asian Dongs are so blurry I can’t get a good idea.

Thank you for not including Charlotte on the list

Why does he look a high school English teacher that just told all of his students to climb on their desks and throw their books in the trash?

And the on-deck circle for switch hitters is right behind the catcher.

Yeah, like we are going to take the word of a known criminal.

what is a meat raffle?...

It still blows my mind that there are states you can’t buy beer and wine in a grocery store.

Counterpoint: Clerks 2 fucking sucks.

Does anyone else think ketchup on burgers is blasphemous and disgusting? Like, I only resort to ketchup if a shitty burger is otherwise unsalvageable. I am well aware I might be in the minority here, but to me, ketchup is for hot dogs and fries.