Wheeeeeee! The pee tape!!!!! My favorite!!! I peelieve!!!

I like how people just decided, based on a few polls that didn’t talk to anyone under the age of 45 (or maybe not even that much information), that he’s THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAVE US.

IDK how unoriginal the idea is, I still think Miley is nothing but a biter. She’s extremely lame and always has been. 

It’s also typically really hard on their spines. I keep my corgi on the thin side of the body scale because long dogs like her typically have back/hip issues when they get older, and it’s often caused by extra weight. I want her to be able to run and live and enjoy being alive for as long as possible, so she’s gotta…

Ghost hunting shows come up with the lamest shit. Oh, a chair made a woman fall? Oh no! Ghosts are so scary! They can...give us tiny boo boos!

They’re played by the same guy!

You seriously think people don’t change between childhood and adulthood? Weird! 

Just...no more teenager content. Or less of it? I do not like watching things about children. I am not nostalgic for my teenhood, nor am I interested in others’ teenhood. I don’t understand adults who find that period of life interesting. It’s over, and hopefully you’ve changed a lot since then. What’s the value in…

IDK if you guys have noticed this, but “our norms” and “our institutions” dictate that certain people in this country can do basically whatever they want, and the only thing stopping them is the potential for other people’s disapproval. When people stop caring about that, there is literally nothing to stop them.

Now you’re starting to get it.

And that will matter to whom, exactly?

WOW is it going to be a nasty shock for you when Lucy pulls the football away for the trillionth time. Where did you get this much blind faith?

Cause people want the lies, not the truth. 

That “sex bench” weighs 30 pounds. They had to carry it between them? That’s so weird. This is such a weird story. Can neither of those adult-ass women lift 30 pounds on her own?! Why do famous people not have garages?! Did they really want to get photographed like that, or is this some sort of gross privacy…

Sort of unrelated to the actual item, but I think the only thing keeping Rob Lowe from being a James-Woods-level asshole is...the fact that he’s very stupid.

That’s so sweet. I used to be really cynical about public celebrations like this, when I was younger and dumber. But I’ve realized how important it is to savor moments like this in public life. Things don’t always go our way. We shouldn’t take it for granted when they do.

She should make friends with that woman who thinks her piss cures cancer.

This is like that woman who published a book about “emotional labor” that’s actually about emotion work. Because she, and everyone on her publishing team, didn’t bother to fact check.

No. She won’t. 

I’m a very red person. My skin is pale and my blood vessels prominent. I haven’t assaulted anyone, ever, but it’s nice to know that my self-consciousness is justified and that people really are judging me for looking like a pig. Thanks!