holy sheepshit, no wonder he thinks Flyers are a threat

I’m shocked that your grammar is poor.

This isn’t even a very good crazy asshole rant. You’re no Texans Susan, kid. 

I was kinda hoping he’d call Drew, “Dave”

This is this dude’s first-ever post lol

I’m not gonna concoct a better metaphor for Jacksonville than Duval losers gathering in 90-degree heat to jump into wading pools of mayonnaise for free.

Or is it Jortles?

They smacked the Steelers around (twice! Hah!) which was fantastic, but then pissed all that good will away against the Pats. I just don’t know, Jacksonville. Your QB has one of the funniest names in the entire NFL to say, right up there with Gabbert. Bortles! It’s hilarious. And Jalen Ramsey is legitimately…

I hope that after 2019 Bortles puts on Groucho Glasses and plays as Jake Jortles. 

Obligatory:

You beat the Steelers twice last year, and crushed the dreams of the worst fans in sports. For that I will be grateful. Other than that, another anonymous team that on one cares about.

They are the Eli Manning of teams

I knew a guy who was just simply playing with his innocent hand gun, then got depressed and went out and shot up a pizza place with his video game.

Video games do pose a tremendous hazard to our nation’s children. Even now, as a 40-year old man, I still find myself jumping on turtles, eating wild mushrooms, and climbing down random sewer pipes.

Also, during their playoff game last year, I switched back and forth between the game and The Lion King which was showing at the same time on Freeform. I do not have children.

. . . And it’ll be a “public/private” partnership; so, 80% funded by tax-payers and the rest kicked in by a for-profit prison company that has a not-so-secret interest in maintaining institutional racism.

This honestly feels like a cut scene from “Get Out.”

I’m a Bengals fan, and everything you say is correct. Burfict is a shitstain who should be out of the league.

It’s like Schrodinger’s Presidency.