We all know nothing he does will ever shake his core supporters. Who gets shaken are the morons who flipped from him to Hillary after the DNC, then back to him when they thought Hillary was dying, then back to Hillary after the debate. This helps keep those paragons of intellect in Hillary’s corner.

Like my hope is that Lady Gaga literally comes out on a jetpack powered by Doritos before Metallica rises out of a giant Goodyear tire and Pittbull comes out on a literal pitbul and they all play “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

You ever suck dick for weed?

the kid who lived one floor below me played the bass line from the red hot chili peppers’ “soul to squeeze” every day for about 6 months. through an amp, and not at a reasonable volume. i’m pretty sure everyone in the building wanted to kill him.

This won’t make the cut, but in terms of College Roommate Nuisance Stories, one of my two other freshman roommates played Live’s Throwing Copper the entire year. That is not an exaggeration. That album played at least once a day, for the entire year. For anyone wondering how long it takes to get sick of Live, it’s…

Sorry to break it to you, but don't hold out hope for the thousand yard hike.

A huge man abusing a little guy at Penn State, where have i heard this story before?

There’s a strong intersection between the type of dude who wants a brown turbo diesel manual wagon, and the type of dude who would fly 5000 miles on a whim to see a woman he’s only texted.

It may seem like a waste of money now, but wait till you see the size of the eighth graders they’ve gotten to commit.

I like Jose Bautista quite a bit, but apparently I like him getting punched in the face even more.

“Donnybrook” and “big fleshpile” used in the same clip. Wonderful.

Yes, Italian food towers over French food, and Spanish food is also better.

Nah, I'm right.

Oh thank god the Intentionally Obtuse False Equivalency Guy is here to educate us all!

I laughed.

Half the people who live there are in the Witness Protection Program, the other half can’t sell their houses...

He's now well-qualified to be ordained in the Archdiocese of Boston.

For those keeping track, the title of largest intact belt is now held by Kuiper.