How I go through life like...this? By getting two names mixed up because that’s how it was reported in the thing I read? I dunno, by...thinking about it less than 1% of 1% of 1% of my time and having a life fuller than one piece of celebrity gossip I saw like two years ago? What a weird thing to say. 

The “good guys” with guns yesterday didn’t do shit. They ran and hid and left those kids and their teachers to their own devices. They were not just the magical gun heroes Fox News fantasizes about, they were also fucking cops, so double magical heroes. Worthless pieces of shit. 

“Don’t use adjectives in your reviews!!”

Find me a more exhausting phrase than “17 best moments from season 47"

Whoooaaaa that shit isn’t even funny! It’s not even structured like a joke! Holy shit. Remember when he did an entire set structured around the Bible and had a lectern and everything? Remember the effort? Remember when he wrote multiple shows? Remember when he had something to say? He was still only like B+ at best,…

I would like to banish Heard and Depp to a desert island and never hear about either of them ever again please.

Given that weird sex dungeon stuff from celebrity gossip corners, I think he’s always been a lil freak and is just now starting to get the right kind of roles. Like How Chris Hemsworth was always supposed to be a comedic actor but was so fuckin handsome that he was always a jacked action guy/soap opera blank

*licks lips*

Looks pretty good, and I love Chris Evans as a villain. He’s got a manic edge under the surface that is rarely used, so I’m into this. 

I’ve never heard of this before right this moment, and it sounds AMAZING. Oh god I need one immediately.

I would never blend it. I need some texture in my soup, and letting the vegetables be chunky and have some bite keeps it from being a bowl of V8

I feel like everyone is so fucking sick of this kind of biopic that there’s just no will for this at all. A new Baz Lurhmann movie is coming, and the article for its trailer has no comments. Also, doesn’t it feel like an Elvis movie must already have been made? This is like a remnant from 1996. 

Case in point, I didn’t remember until after I posted that comment that I saw him in I Want You Back recently, and I liked that movie. He was even perfectly fine in it—I just completely forgot he was in it. In a cast featuring a super memorable ensemble made up of Charlie Day, Jenny Slate, Manny Jacinto, and Gina…

It’s almost sorta sweet how hard everyone seems to be trying to turn this guy into something. I mean, it’s not working at all, because he’s Sam Worthington level of forgettability with familiar eyes. A lot of goodwill in the ol’ nepotism machine for his cantankerous-ass dad.

It’s the first time he’s had an authentic reaction to his comedy in years that wasn’t just easy, guaranteed laughter from already owned fans. The first time in years he wasn’t preaching obviously to an easy choir. People are actually reacting, and it’s gotta feel electric after all that time at the top.

A recap I read said he literally did a bit about going to the DMV and identifying as Chinese, which, other than being a laaaazy set-up, and boring fuckin punchline that’s been done to death (and actively malicious) is insane on its face, because there’s no way Dave Chappelle has been anywhere near a DMV since at least…

Chappelle’s biggest issue is that he isn’t really funny anymore. He spent too much time too powerful, too universally beloved, too untouchable, and too wealthy to have a comedically worthwhile point of view anymore. His shit is so lame and milquetoast now that he made some insensitive bordering on transphobic…

Why? What did he say or do that would have given him that status?

She was so damn charming in Black Panther, which makes it even more surprising/upsetting to see what a fuckin lunatic she turned out to be. Damn

I didn't know it was a relatively short show, so that's cool. It's just that my wife and both have two jobs and we have kids, so there's just not a lot of time for TV, so when I see something that looks like a great Friday night movie and then nope, it's a whole damn show, I get bummed