I worked a really low-budget place that didn’t have any sort of facilities staff so we all pitched in and I was pitching in the day the staff bathroom overflowed. An inch of shitty water all over the bathroom. First, I had to soak up the shitty water and ring it out outside. Next, I had to scrub the shit off the…

“Youve Never Had This Much Fun Getting Herpes!”

Lindsay looks, dresses, sounds, and dances like a desperate and horny 55 year old alcoholic cougar and I’m here for it.

“Rita Ora”

Because I can’t laugh at her effectively without knowing her thoroughly.

I want to live in a cottage named Frogmore. I would sit on the toadstools and talk to the bunnies every morning while I drink a cup of honey and run my bare feet through the wildflowers.

“Cardi responded via her Instagram story: “I will never sh–t my pants cause there’s public bathrooms everywhere … ooo and bushes.””

If someone is sleeping next to a man, aren’t they already sleeping next to a dog?

Kanye can fly on 30 or 40 private jets, all by himself. And it still wouldn’t take that sullen pouty scowl off his face. 

Heh! Okay, maybe not that long, and definitely not very interesting. Basically:

Nobody says “on fleek” anymore.

1st mission to study its deep interior

As am I! 

I am tearing up. I truly hope the two of you have a wonderful day tomorrow filled only with fond memories and no pain.

Oh this reminds me of the time I was visiting my grandmother’s aunt as a small child and her turkey ran me down, knocked me over and scratched me with its gizzard. The big old meanie.

Thanksgiving has always been the best holiday for me, Mom and Dad. Even though it was just the three of us, Mom would insist on making a 23-25 lb turkey (they REALLY like leftovers).

*runs into the forever, screaming*

True story, my family never had stuffing on the Thanksgiving table when I was little. (We’re pretty culturally tied to the motherland, not all of the North American traditions sunk in with my Mummo. Lanttulaatikko was mandatory instead.) Then, my brother tried it at a friend’s house and was raving about how much he…

I’m just going to gently second what mocena said. I’ve been with a guy who hit walls and threw things when he was angry. The first thought it my mind was not reassurance that he knew putting hands on someone else was wrong, it was that putting hands on someone else (me!) would/could be next. It was terrifying. Lashing…

Some consider threatening a partner with violence to be physical abuse, not just emotional abuse.  Like, getting shit thrown at you, even if you aren’t hit by it, counts as physical abuse.  I’m so sorry you had to live through that.