This is absolutely amazing. Honestly, a great work, I really found it fascinating. Love this line, which made me almost spit out water from laughing:

HA! The civil emergency sirens started going off all over my county this morning starting at 4am and this was the PD response:

This depresses me.

Ronnie Salami is pretty great, but then you would have to go by Ronnie

Ron Pastrami is a sweet name, don’t be ashamed.

damn. *mic drop*

I use a fork to keep from stuffing my face. If I have to cut it up in small bites then it takes longer and I don't find myself going for a second slice as others at the table are still sprinkling Parmesan on their firsts.

Word, like if the pizza place offers utensils... come on. That whole fold your pizza like an italian taco-DIY calzone thing is for standing room only, “by the slice” joints.

This is making me very uncomfortable, partially because this sounds like a deadly boring book, but mostly because I wore a white dress....and white elbow length gloves to my prom. Earnestly. In 1998.

J. Lo is perfect.

And he texted back in a timely manner. I was not expecting such a quick reply.

Yes! Like, you text Leo about feeling down, and he’s there for you. That makes me like him more.

“You mean tonight, boo boo? Club-wise?”

I’m literally blinded by how luminous and perfect her skin is?

yo, that was pretty weird, but we’re back in the club.

I love the Lonely Island SO MUCH. The absurdity of Threw it on the Ground makes me laugh out loud every time, and I sing it on the reg to my food and toy throwing infant.

...“Lazy Sunday” aired in the winter of 2005. I remember it vividly. I watched SNL cross-legged on the floor of my parents’ family room and watched, mouth agape. It was like nothing I had seen before, but in fairness, I was 14.

Yep, my SO is staying late to watch a game tonight, he’ll be grading all weekend (as will I), he sponsors multiple clubs, stays after school to tutor students. It’s lawyer hours for janitor pay.

The sad thing is that teachers at private schools-more often than not-make less than public school teachers.