I lost it at, “I’ve got some chicken that’ll do” and “I can find the goose! I’ve found geese before, and I can find them again! They congregate near ponds!”

Egging on the guy to shoot the other guy in the head.

There’s something like 5 guns per capita in Texas. So where were all the “good guys with guns”?!?!

That is an incredible GIF.

Imma guess the Illuminati cut you off before you could finish

Can someone PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD cover how every fucking high ranking government predecessor has done this on some level for fucking ever? Like, can we talk about all the emails that disappeared at the end of the Bush administration? No? We want to KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS?

Jesus fucking christ. how much of a stupid fucking headache would she have saved herself (and the democratic party) if she just agreed to be hillary@state.gov

Police were surprised to learn that the knife was fake, as they’d legitimately believed it was real for a long time, although some of the smarter ones had had their doubts.

This is the first thing I see when I open the internet today. Who knew a 15 year old from Iowa could give me such joy on my birthday? I feel like Jared Fogle.

“Dee’s nuts.”

He talks a good talk, but when is he gonna release policy specifics?

Is it ok to be against rape but still think this sucks

In my opinion, Chris Christie is the ideal candidate to be our next President of these great United States.

Wait, they answered the phone as “bathroom mirror”? They are now referring to themselves as this incident?

Could be another example of Megyn Kelly caring about issues that directly affect Megyn Kelly....

This goes beyond “not being a nice person.” He assaulted a producer for the show for 30 seconds. No matter how much money you bring in, workplace violence tends to get people fired.

Here comes the lunatic fans who are going blame everyone but Clarkson. Reading the comments yesterday was disturbing.

The fact that the dumb white guy's last name was "Ferguson" pretty much proves that the universe has an inherent drive towards irony.

Sacrificing money for his long term health.