*Have you ever noticed that loss prevention guys are the biggest fucking creeps on the planet.

“And he keeps making hats out of Domino's boxes!"

Thats a lot of words to make excuses for shit service from a restaurant. They will lose a lot of customers pulling this shit on people.

Someone gave Jon Gruden $100 million. I know not everyone believes in him but he's gotta take the cake

“I was wrongly accused at my town’s best pizzeria.”

I cried that I had no shoes till I met an idiot who burned his because he wanted to “own” the libs then I laughed.

As a Michigan fan

“...you place your order and pay at a counter and then they bring you your slices.”

Everyone knows Spartans can only achieve sexual arousal and climax by teabagging the fallen bodies of the opposite team.

The Buffalo Bills are an act of domestic terrorism.

People, people, when will we learn.  When you’re playing Yahtzee, leave the guns at home!

Well we all know that Ashy Larry wasn’t one of those shot...

Actually I made a mistake.. this was a group of “ethnic” people (read black/brown) people.. their won’t be any T & P.. There will be lines about increasing police presence and how dice (gambling) is a vice, possibly about drugs.

Does a shootout over a gambling game gone wrong really qualify as a “mass shooting”?

Of course the GIF exists!

I just came back from a vacation in Prague! The first thing I can recommend is to subscribe to this guy’s channel on YouTube:

She used her personal cellphone, a fact we didn’t know before.

“I get to be cool and funny without having to fix myself first!”

He’s gotta check out that Bill Hader show “Barry”

To be fair the Scott Pilgrim film does botch the ending where he goes with the “dream girl” that isn’t a dream after all to please audiences.