How sad is your life to take the time to write all this shit. I couldn’t bother myself to read it entirely.

It’s time to trash this article now.

Yeah, do not put your dick in an industrial vacuum. I am an emergency room nurse in Toronto who, after 12 years, has seen all manner of manhood mutilation. Twice (TWICE!!) I have treated guys who had decided that big ol’ machines were the correct venues to procure orgasm. One of them got off (heh) with bruising and…

So folks are only respectful to you when they’re running a grift? That’s just sad, boss.

Your bigger problem is that you didn’t bother to find out how the feature works.

Oh dear. Bush to Live is a massive step sideways.

Corona, like Heineken, isn’t really cheap beer.

best cheap beer: Corona

...does it look like a dull screwball comedy?

Make Batman a paranoid nonsensical rambling mess with no apparent connection to the source material? we’ve seen that movie already.

Thank you for remaining laser-focused on sports. 

whenever I’m out at the grocery store and someone is on their phone (usually speaker phone but not always), I just walk up behind them and start talking in a loud voice. it’s the best

sir this is a wendy’s

if you eat leftover sliders you deserve whatever happens to you

Wrong, fucko.  Salmon is bad and isn’t a part of a balanced breakfast!

Because they like to seem hip and cool.

Found the edgy hot-take. Stand back, you can’t handle this guy’s cool, folks.

boooo

Who cares what other people do?

You wanna drag a boat around your yard? Have a blast.

You wanna jump old malaise beaters off a ramp? Go for it.

You wanna buy Star Wars toys but never take them out of the packaging? Fine.

Let people do their thing, man.