the new helmet doesn’t fit right; it gives him a headache; the chinstrap feels weird; he can’t see his periphery (which makes him more vulnerable to big hits and less likely to track the ball in the air); the league’s “health and safety” initiative is bogus and just an attempt to limit liability; there’s no such thing…

After only two posts I know for an absolute certainty that you are a complete douche.

Oh yeah because games should only be for the hardcore people.

Find me a 62-63 T-Bird in that lot or a Continential 4-door drop top (any year) and I’m there.

I’ve loved MOST of the F&F movies but every now and again it tickles me to be like, “Remember when this was about guys who drove Honda’s and stole DVD players?” 

I look forward to seeing him picked by the Giants in the first round of the 2020 draft.

Unless the Phillies are all in on this season, the smart move would be to trade the Phanatic for a mascot with more years of team control left on his deal.

Not the mama!

Oh man, if a stranger has my phone number does that mean I am going to get spammed all day with unsolicited phone calls letting me know I won a vacation or can get medical devices through my insurance company? Because that would be really bad.  

“She got through two cups? By herself? Damn!”
-Two girls

No matter how I feel about the coach, and I will be honest I thought the situation was probably a bit more complex than often argued, I will always respect a manager who knows when to walk away and who even managed to do it while on top.

Does $2 million even get you 1,500 sq. ft. in NYC?

The only conceivable explanation for the Glitter poster

that’s a jerk-off station

Here are the only relevant statistics

Why does the Maxima still exist? Someone’s got to cut me off in rush-hour traffic without signaling and proceed to stay well below the speed limit.

This will never not be funny. 

She was going to sign with Deadspin but then heard about previous celebrity endorsements:

That SUV has now seen more crawling than the average Wrangler. *zips up flame suit*

This reminds me of the time when John Lennon was asked if Ringo Starr was the best drummer in the world and he responded that he wasn’t even the best drummer in the Beatles... that person was Zlatan.