What is Connecticut’s connection to France, I wonder. (And Connecticut connection is fun to type)

She should have taken out his plastic surgeon instead. 

I have to disagree with you vehemently. The person who is walking down the street in a Pats jersey on a Tuesday is not insane. They were just released on bail from a weekend drunk and disorderly charge.

I hate the Patriots because out of parochial defensiveness I told a woman who was giving me shit about my Pat Patriot hat that she was eventually going to die and the indifferent universe would not care about her life and whether or not cheating had tainted my enjoyment of the Patriots Super Bowl victories.

I AM FUCKING HERE FOR THE COMMENTS IN THE GRAY!

“We need to make something that looks like a Tahoe, but if it were unlicensed in a Video Game.”

I got rear ended by a woman who was on her phone. She got out, didn’t want to call the cops... or give me her info... or anything. Just wanted to leave. She hit me hard enough that he radiator was cracked and leaking fluid and my bumper was hanging on by only a single clip. No airbags luckily.

I call the cops, they…

I don’t know....those text messages sent to Rain Dove where she admitted she had sex with him. The fact that she tried to justify it because she was in a relationship at 17 with a 33 year old. The fact that she’s now pinning the payout on the dead guy who can’t really defend himself. The fact that she’s using the same…

You must you must have more experience than I do because I can barely see the rear end there

we can go farther

I kept rereading it but it kept not making any goddamned sense.

“To be completely honest, I forgot the story I was making up mid-sentence and I still need to say words to complete this sentence and there you go I feel like this is enough words to count as an explanation,” said the woman.

Wait....what??

As a general rule, if you find yourself actually typing out the words “Oh, am I, Brenda?” you missed your exit. 

Someone had some Ambien.

I’m honestly as tired as the “John McCain was a terrible terrible person who no one should say nice things about” pieces as the “John McCain was last of a rare and noble breed of American statesmen” pieces. Dude died just yesterday, and in my universe, it’s still poor manners to interrupt other people’s mourning with…

The short version:

Hmm, I see they got rid of the ballsack from the concept version:

A fun story that didn’t make it into the article:

Opa told my dad, brother and me that the soldier who had given him a ride back in 1945 not only offered chocolate, but also the best Leberwurst (liverwurst) Opa has ever eaten.

It was so good, Opa said, that when he explored the world as a travel agent, he always kept…

Just a damn good story.