I was making an obscure Seinfeld reference. I think Keith is great, and I would love to hear the shit he says between innings all the time.

“I’m Keith Hernandez.”

Well, it helps that the waiting list for Bears season tickets is usually however long it takes for the person in the ticket office to stop laughing.

Tell him to stop filing these fake lawsuits and get back to writing the next Game of Thrones book.

Disgusting that the Bears would treat a team owner like this.

Thank you for doing what many other American media outlets aren’t, calling it a terrorist attack b/c that what it was.

Normally in the Kinjaverse, whenever there is any story about Muslim-based violence, there is always one troll with the original comment, “Religion of peace.”

Well, here is your religion of peace.

Hey, this is international relations, buddy. This is above-the-fold stuff. Get your priorities straight.

I don’t want to enable a criminal but your can usually find someone who’s willing to take a breathalyzer for you, especially for money. If you read this, Michael Floyd, it’s in Craigslist. Search “Blow Jobs.”

Ballparking it here. 220lb man drinks .5% abv teas until 3am, blows a .055 at 5:30am. Expected BAC of .08 at 3am. At .5% abv, and assuming he drank them over course of say 3 hours, that’s 48 twelve ounce bottles of Kombucha tea.

Send us all your favorite ski jumping moments/storylines/athletes to watch! tips@deadspin.com. I would 100% blog about ski jumping.

Obviously they won’t go. No one in the NBA supports a travel ban.

300% of the 324% is what represents the 3 guaranteed qualifying spots CONCACAF has. The remaining 24% is the chance that the fourth place CONCACAF team beats the fifth place Asian team in the intercontinental playoff.

Just bc it is from facebook doesn’t mean it is facts moron. You need actual links to the facts. 33,000 deaths/ 321,000,000 = 0.01% of the population every year.

Oooh, that’s a nice, big, girthy straw man you have there

So his shoes are a ‘distraction’?

Thank god they’ve got excellent health care!

I still think Subban got what he deserved to be honest. He’s been crosschecking & punching Sid in the head all series without penalty, so Sid got him back all at once. I’m good with that, if that’s the way the league is gonna be. I’d have preferred Subban getting penalties for all his bullshit earlier in the series &…

The score was 34-31 and the 49ers had four plays inside the 10 to end the game. What in God’s name are you talking about?