Bingo. And the sales guys will be incentive-based determined by how many activation charges they don’t waive.

1st Gear:

I get that some people don’t like the styling - it’s not really my thing either. But voting CP simply because it’s “grandpa’s car” or “I don’t like how it looks” is a bit ridiculous. I always understood this feature to be about value, and getting a driveable car (with a bulletproof engine even) that isn’t rusted…

I was thinking buy the car, sell the $140k engine and drop a small block Chevy in it, but then I saw this. Crackpipe it is.

...not to mention the red, white and green “Tricolore” of the Italian flag.

But this is Portland, do they even have the sun in Portland?

...it may not hurt to hurl yourself onto the sovereign steps of Comcast...

Are you sure you know what “sleeper” means?

Check engine light is on and I’m told it’s likely one of the valves not seating correctly

Volare is Italian for “fly”, which means you should fly away from this, or any other Chrysler product from this era. Fly away as fast as you possibly can in the opposite direction.

Off, with unmarked cars, if you want anyone to actually claim the drugs.

2) Follow the delivery to its destination. Arrest party who takes control of it.

I want to be the tester that drives the ever-loving shit out of every car trying to get the worst mileage possible. Where do I apply for that job?

Did you miss the part about “formerly rusted floorpans that were poorly fixed by a previous owner”? I’m quite sure that the rust didn’t specifically target the floorpans and magically skip over the rest of the car.

Crackpipe, unquestionably.

Honest question - was using a parachute to slow the bomb down and allow the crew to escape the blast not a viable option?

If you’d like, I’ll sell you a rolling chassis for 15k, and save you the trouble of removing the placeholder engine.

Frankly, that was a really bad pun.

One question that isn’t answered by this story. Why the hell did you buy that Z?