None of us smoked. But if we had, I might’ve considered it. Then blamed her for it in the morning. “Oh Tiffany, you don’t remember lighting your own bag on fire? Yeah, that totally happened. How embarrassing for you.”

Was planning on breaking up with a psycho, emotionally abusive high school boyfriend, and discussed it with a friend during lunch. Psycho evidently had spies, and confronted me two periods later in the halls with some unhinged screaming and the handing of a suicide note. I went promptly to the school nurse with said…

The bong broke so it’s a break-up story of sorts.

GOOD DOG.

I unknowingly helped one of my older sisters get revenge on her ex. But it was a terrifying situation. My sister and I look very similar to one another, but are not identical. She is also six years older. At the time this happened, I was in high school. I didn’t know that she was dating the guy and had never met him.…

I’ve fantasized about doing stupid things, but never actually did them, so here’s a story of why dogs are the best: My last awful breakup (I was dumped by email, of course) I was looking after my sister’s dog. I cried hysterically in bed for about 5 minutes until the 130 pound dog latched onto my shoulder and…

My ex thought it was a good idea to move to another state and hide from child support. Since he had such a consistent history of cheating I thought it would be easy to track him down on Craigslist’s Missed Connections. Someone had to know him because he had penis and it did wander. A lot. He also loved to make sure…

Someone else’s post unearthed this repressed memory: I was talking to an acquaintance who let slip that my ex had cheated on me fairly regularly. We’d been broken up for several months but he had outstanding warrants, so I called the county sheriff’s department with his location.

I deleted his file on Final Fantasy IV

I overcompensated at first by wearing a ton of makeup (I’m a femme to the core), then I bleached it blond and rocked the fuck out of it. No weird bumps on my head, luckily.

After 14 years of marriage, I discovered that he was cheating on me with someone who pretended to be my friend.

My partner of 4 years Skyped me one week after we’d been shopping for tickets for me to go and see him and talking about how we were really happy and blah blah blah and he was like, “Oh, so... yeah, I’m ending it,”. This was conveniently after he had a “workshop” with his boss, who was a lady and Asian (and he had an…

My second year of grad school I dated/made out with someone for a few weeks. He broke up with me by just not talking to me or responding to messages. In my craziness afterward I covered his car that was parked on the street in peanut butter. Yes, I know it was insane. #notproud

YOUR MOM.

I got him banned from his mother’s house, moved in with her myself, and she bought me a puppy.

I went to prom with the first guy I ever slept with. I was going to wear a dress I’d bought for another event so I told him he could wear whatever suit he had. I realized this was a mistake when he showed up in frayed corduroy pants with a miss-matched corduroy jacket, and also in Berkenstocks, looking like an English…

I was a teenager, so don’t judge too hard, k?

When my partner left me in 2006, I was devastated. After I talked myself out off the ledge, I took my child and fucked off to a beach town in South America where I rented an apartment. I partied hard and cried like a crazy person. After I was cried out and had let go of my partner, I felt much later. The next day I…

I was so sure getting punched by a hippie would win me a pissing contest :(