At your request Mark, I have joined "The Twitter"

Just keep licking your phone, you'll get the hang of it eventually.

What if you're terrible at sex?

I feel like I blinked and all of a sudden people started taking McConaughey seriously. o_O

I once sneezed while the gyn was doing the slide thingie and the speculum was in and it flew out and landed on the floor some distance away and made the loudest clatter ever. The doctor said "wow, great muscle tone!" I was mortified.

Can you keep kosher if you just FUCK the ham?

Meh, Michelle Williams can blow me. #SpanxFree4Ever

Clearly the problem is insufficient yelling by Jillian Michaels.

Wow, something that I as a nerd finally have in common with religious nutjobs: hating deviations from the established canon of my favorite fictional universes.

All my condoms are made of lentils.

"Kim is being paid to be an escort, she shouldn't complain when she's treated shitty."

I mean, obviously she was hired to be his escort for the night. But I don't think that makes it acceptable that someone put on blackface and harassed her.

Besides all the racist shit, he kept on saying he was late for a game of Monopoly.

Imagine how us in Ireland feel. This is not a man who has learned from his ancestors history. He is an absolute disgrace, frankly.

People wouldn't be married very long then. I've been with my husband for 6 years and both of our libidos have changed over the years, we talk it through and compromise but I can tell you sometimes it really sucks. I'm not going to end my marriage though just because I have a higher sex drive than my husband, there's a…

I am really Rush Limbaugh.

What if you're ugly?