They wanted to do that, but Fallon couldn’t keep himself from giggling and making cute faces.

No one really cares what cops want to do, they care about what cops actually do.

Why didn’t you call me Stephen?

She pulled the switch on him?

There its weirder

Just goes to show you’ve gotta live life one-quarter of an Easter egg at a time.

Did you just admit to fucking a 17 year old while you were 24?

What can you say?

And that it doesn’t matter how you win...

But...what can I say, we really like fucking each other?

We don’t use stars or anything like that to determine who should be followed by Deadspin. For my part, if someone makes comments that I think should automatically be front-facing on Deadspin, I will follow that person for Deadspin. If someone who is followed by Deadspin demonstrates that they will misuse that…

You started an affair with a 17-year old when you were 24? 

“dumbass trump tweets dumbass things" should be a permanent headline 

literally unplayable

There should have been a rule put in place that only J.K. Simmons can play JJJ.

The X-gene.

You mean the investigation performed by the legal firm that represents his wife’s family? Oh yeah, that’s real impartial.

Yes, AMC “investigations” of “will we lose more money to keep Hardwick or to get rid of him” 

People got burned by Watch Dogs so now they go out of their way to find minute differences they can rage about online.

Any word on if the rich couple were spared of Fallon’s trademark fake giggle?