It’s going to be hard for him to realize that when literally every text he gets from anybody is someone trying to avoid him. He doesn’t know what a text from someone happy to talk to him would even look like.

These texts read like he’s more interested in the vikings than the vikings are in him.

Has a cooler name ever been wasted on a bigger dipshit? 

Every text of Sparano’s is the kind of text someone sends when they want to avoid someone. Richie needs to learn how to take a hint. 

His “I’m a soldier” phase was comical, but his Clark Rockefeller phase is not.

I also suspect he just hates “benefits” generally, because he’s never come close to finding a friend who would give him any...

I mean... seriously, ten years later and these are still the highlights?  I’m not one to LOL, but I laughed my ass off at that one.

perfect grades her entire life, she was a cheerleader, she was a sorority girl, she graduated from a “high accredited university,” she was in the National Honors Society

I absolutely believe that not having to deal with the stress of navigating our bureaucratic nightmare of a healthcare funding system is one reasons healthcare outcomes are better outside of the US. I’m an attorney who works primarily with regulatory compliance issues. It’s literally my job to spend all day sorting…

Wow. Just wow. First of all: Sitting in some chairs requires cops to ask if they have guns, and then check the man’s testicles and anus for...something? On what planet? This was a sexual assault. This pig stuck his finger up a man’s butt for a power trip--who knows if it was for his own sexual gratification as well.…

Tell me more about this $6 handjob...

Pro Tip; Just don’t care what (insert famous person here) is doing with their life, focus on your own.

It’s not even that it’s 40 buyouts but that it’s 40 disproportionately aimed at around 3-4 sites of the GMG; Splinter, Jez, DS, and Video.

Agreed, many thanks to the competent and insightful writers at GMG who will be leaving us. Unfortunately, since HamNo seems to be completely unemployable outside of a blog where he gets to relive his college coffee house rant days over and over again, we’re still stuck with him and a couple other “revolutionaries” who…

the royal penis is clean, your highness. 

There REALLY should have been a reference to Zamunda in Black Panther.

Restaurant should have called the cops and said she was trespassing and hadn't ordered anything. 

Yep. She’s doing her duty and disrupting the narrative over the weekend.

Sanders—when the owners of the restaurant were unhappy with your presence, were you detained? Did you have your body exposed for the pleasure of the Internet? Does an arrest record hound your chance for future employment? Did you at any time fear for your life? But then, do you agree with SCOTUS when they said that a…