I'd wager he doesn't write about them at all, but if he did, he probably wouldn't be describing them as willowy alien love goddesses who descend from the heavens to torment mortal men with their celestial allure.

He writes like a Mary Sue :/

impregnated by Brad Pitt, which is like being impregnated by a future man or a star child

Interesting how nobody’s salty about the age difference between Ryan and Blake (which is more than the age diff between Tom and Taylor)

If Taylor ain’t hitting that I’m shaking my head at her lol

I don’t know about active butI like to imagine sex with Taylor Swift being very professional and thorough, with detailed post-coupling analysis, constructive feedback and harsh but fair evaluation.

Honestly, I wish we’d stop giving them the attention they want. Taylor, specifically.

He’s only 35????????!?!?!??!?!

Honestly, I wish we’d stop giving them the attention they want. Taylor, specifically.

Why can’t Jezebel just let me have this? Why?

OH MY GOD WILL YOU WITCHES NEVER CEASE IN YOUR EVIL ATTEMPT TO SABOTAGE THE GREATEST LOVE STORY OF OUR TIMES???

I was like 12

I would need money, lots of money, and one of those Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind machines afterwards.

I’ll never forget the time some poor white children came to my door begging for money. I offered them some change for whatever goods they could procure.

She adapted Zimba’s name from Simba from the Lion King, which is where she gained her vast knowledge of Africa.

I just assume that she called herself “skinny white muzungu with long angel hair.” Everyone else called her “Louise.”

As the night ticked interminably by, I tried not to think what the rebels would do to the ‘skinny white muzungu with long angel hair’ if they found me.

Eat, Pray, Lie.

Ah, another gem of the “Western White People Travelling To Third World Countries And How The Tragedies Of Said Country Helped Them Discover Themselves” genre.