Aliens are observing a planet of grown adults watching a child dance to “grind up on him girl, show him how you ride it”

Never had kids and apparently never spent much time holding anyone else’s either. But maybe she’s just not into babies.

Abdul assures her that it’s fine. “I’ve never had anyone just vomit on me like that before,” she mused.

I don’t know latin so I’m just going to assume that chest tattoo translates into “No Ragrets.”

I realize this is a serious problem and a topic for serious discussion, and yet I am having a lot of trouble wrapping my brain around the idea of a sitcom about the life of Nicki Minaj.

And fucking her by getting her a hotel room the floor above his family when they went on vacation. Really, really low class stuff.

I’m going to summarize this book really quickly for everyone.

Sometimes you got to sweat through a cat fur covered bit of clothing on the subway to keep fighting the fight.

Of course he’d say that’s why his marriage fell apart and not the fact that he was fucking Marla Maples on the side. Because his wife didn’t know her place I guess.

Yeah, that’s always the first step. Weren’t born rich you say? Well, if you’re not going to meet the author half fucking way, how is she supposed to help you?

Chapter 1: How To Be Born To A Rich Person.

This is basically the Conservative version of Goop, only without the articles explaining what a healthy poo should look like.

How can a human being with advisors on how to relate to and be liked by other human beings be this oblivious to the reality of her life and how a book like this might be received by the public?

Lesson #1: Ask Dad for a job.

Apparently if you hit someone once a long time ago, you get a permanent force field.

Apparently there is a tight relationship between Harvey Levin (of TMZ) and Laura Wasser (Depp’s divorce lawyer). I was curious myself and that seems to be the loophole. Wasser and Levin go way back so he’s either doing her a favour or getting some kind of insider info kickback.

She is a professional model/actress I’m sure she can do make up like nobody’s business, but of course its way more likely she made fake bruises to fool a Judge than it is that she just covered them up to go out in the world like victim’s of domestic violence do... /s

I’ve tried not to pile on b/c the Heard/Depp story has so much white noise around it already*, but iO and everyone else that has made this argument are 100% right. I wasn’t there. I don’t have an inside track. But common fucking sense also kicks in at a certain point. If anyone is really that invested in Depp’s image,…

Just like rape. Cause bitches be lying, of course.

Nothing like a fun morning reminder that when it comes to domestic violence, it’s always the victim’s life that gets picked apart and combed through to ascertain the truth instead of the abuser’s.